Friday, December 30, 2011

New Year's Eve Eve Reality TV Likes and Loathes

I've been blogging about reality TV for awhile now, and there are some shows I've come to accept, others I love, and others I loathe. One of my New Year's resolutions (I have plenty) is to only watch those shows I halfway enjoy and leave the others to the masses. I'm probably going to blog about "The Bachelor" because, once again, a guy in my office is coordinating our annual "Bachelor game" where we try to pick the winner. I'll probably still blog about brides, and I'm looking for a new show or two. Send me your suggestions.

To end this year with a whimper and a cry of "uncle, uncle" ... I'm going to list the shows I loathe and wish would go away, and the shows I love ... and may continue to actually watch.

Top 10 Reality Shows I Loathe 
1. Anything with a Kardashian - This is too easy. Everyone dislikes them yet they are still on TV. If I see them on E, I change the channel. I won't buy a magazine with one of them on the cover. I can't see how they offer any redeeming value to society, and I won't encourage it. I hate that I'm even mentioning them here.
2. Anything with a "wife" - Basketball wives, housewives, mob wives ... I don't care whose wife you are or have been or want to be ... no one I know or have ever known acts like these women. It's simply a screaming match on every episode. I used to watch "a little" but now I don't watch at all. It's not entertaining to see women scream at each other. It just gives me a headache.
3. Anything with a makeover or Ty Pennington - These just bore me to tears.
4. Toddlers and Tiaras - I don't want to watch these ridiculous women living vicariously through their children. I am not going to encourage television that, in some cases, almost promotes or shows child abuse. These women need to get their own lives and let their kids be kids. It's not about you, moms.
5. Dance Moms - That lady that leads the dance classes or owns the studio or whatever is abhorrent. I wouldn't put my daughter through that no matter how "good" of a dance teacher she is ... she doesn't understand children and is just plain rude to the moms and the kids. She needs to take a few dance classes herself instead of barking at everyone around her. Watched an episode or two. Won't do it again. Again, moms, get your own lives.
6. The Real World - I hope hope hope these kids don't act like this in their "real" lives. I'm worried they will never find jobs after they leave the show. I got news for them ... reality TV is not a job, it's trash entertainment. Don't do this to your lives.
7. Wife Swap and Trading Spouses - Really, really? This is just stupid. It always starts the same and always ends the same with everyone learning something. Maybe.
8. Celebrity Rehab - I actually can't watch this. After a few minutes, I have to change the channel. I can't stand to see these former "celebrities" suffering and the world watching and drooling just hoping to see meltdowns and screw-ups and bad behavior. I feel sorry for these people.
9. Big Brother - I will probably get some hate mail over this one. I think this show is boring.
10. Survivor - It has run its course. Thanks for the memories. Now, go away.

Top 10 Reality TV Shows I Love
1. House Hunters - This may not be exactly what people think of when they think of "reality" TV but I like to see houses in other parts of the country and world. I like to see the prices. I like to see why people move. I just like it all.
2. American Idol - I'm still a fan no matter who the judges are at any given time (although I am not always a fan of some of the judges). I actually like Ryan Seacrest.
3. Hoarders - I don't really like to see how these people are living since it is so depressing, but I like to see that they are getting help. And, I know there is a difference between being messy and having a mental disorder ... it's pretty easy to see the difference if you watch the show.
4. Intervention - Again, it's hard to watch sometimes, but I like the stories with the happy endings.
5. Bridezillas - Pure trash TV, but I love it. I will continue to blog about it.
6. Say Yes to the Dress - Again, love the brides and the dresses. I love Randy and most of the consultants. I just want to visit Kleinfeld's some day. One of my many stupid goals.
7. True Life - This show is about young people who live a certain way, want something or are struggling with something. I like to see how they handle the issues. It seems "real" to me.
8. The Bachelor and The Bachelorette - It's pure stupidity. This is not how you find love. The relationships don't last. It's just entertaining and ridiculous.
9. Sister Wives - I'm not crazy about Kody, but I like his wives just fine. They really seem like normal people except the women share the same husband. Doesn't make sense to me but to each his own. Sometimes this show is boring because they are so normal.
10. The Biggest Loser and Fat Camp - Losing weight is not easy. These people are really trying and letting everyone watch. I think it would be hard, so I appreciate them. I don't watch these shows much, but I actually think they can be encouraging to others.

So there they are. I'm probably forgetting a few. My Honorable Mentions that I couldn't decide if I loathe them or just tolerate them or maybe like them just a little include: Jersey Shore (I am not going to blog about it anymore but this show is insane), Relationship Rehab, Celebrity Fit Club, Scare Tactics, Cheaters (no, I really hate this show), Fear Factor and The Apprentice. For shows I like, Honorable Mentions include: Storage Wars, Parking Wars ... (pretty much any wars) ... The Amazing Race, Boiling Points and The A List.

So, is blogging about reality shows fun? Yes, but with work and kids and life, it's hard to watch the shows I need to watch and hard to do it as often as I would like. Do I hear from those I blog about? Yes, some are cranky ... but the "bridezillas" have all been great. That should tell you something.

Your turn. Tell me. Tell me. I want to hear from you. Happy New Year!

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Sister Wives — Season 2011 Recap

Sister Wives — the Brown family that we love to hate.

Although I didn't blog about them regularly this season, I did watch an all-day marathon of this show this past weekend. Don't make fun. The marathon led up to the finale where Wife No. 4, Robyn, gives birth to a baby boy, Solomon, and then ... weirdly, offers herself as a surrogate to Wife No. 1, Meri, who only has one child. Don't they have enough relationship dynamics between them without the added stress of surrogacy?

Anyway, this season was about Kody living in and traveling from house to house in their new home-way-from-home ... SIN CITY, BABY ... Las Vegas. Doesn't seem an appropriate place for this "spiritual" family. The kids aren't happy, and the wives don't particularly like living so far apart (in Utah, they shared a home so the women saw Kody on a daily basis). And, they are trying to start a business ... and I think they've settled on fitness or a gym or something? (Not sure how they are making money now unless it's through appearances and the show or something related to the show.)

So, if they have settled on fitness, they have to get in shape. All the wives are now dieting or "eating healthy" and working with a hunky trainer. Wife No. 3, Christine, seems to really, really like him. Wife No. 2, Janelle (my favorite), is the most focused and admits she has the most weight to lose. I will give them all credit for openly sharing their struggles with weight for the world to see. Gutsy.

So, a new town, new homes, new business and a new baby. It's all about the "newness" this season. Oh, and one other thing, a little jealousy of the new "pretty" wife, Robyn. She's a little thinner, a little younger. The wives may not feel so special with her in the mix. Christine expresses her feelings of "not being special" anymore. Anymore?

In one episode, the women hit the town ... and then Kody does the same with a few buddies. BORING. This group does not know how to party. The women are shocked by the nakedness of Vegas. Really? Kody enjoys the sights ... he kinda said so.

Enough already. The season was not that exciting. It was like watching my neighbors. Nothing shocking or scary or sad. Just a normal family with normal issues.

Do I like the adults of this family (no judging children allowed)? Yes, I think I do. They are all nice people, very normal people is some ways. Do I understand or like their lifestyle choice? No. And, it's not a moral or ethical thing with me. Families today are so diverse ... nothing is surprising. And, I'm definitely a "to each his own" kind of person. If it makes you happy and doesn't hurt anyone, I'm fine with it. It's not a legal consideration for me either. I don't believe they are breaking the law. Kody is only legally married to Meri, so if the other three want to be his "wives" that is their choice. It's not a problem for me.

So why don't I like the plural wives concept? I, personally, would not want to share my spouse or partner with someone else. It isn't special if it's not just between two people. If he has a relationship with other women, you are not the "soulmate" or the only one or the chosen one or the wife or anything. You aren't the most special woman in his life. You never really know how he feels. Is he telling one of the others that she is the "one" or is he telling all the wives the same BS? Kody would say he has separate relationships with each wife. There's something that doesn't ring true there for me. Why does he want or need so many wives? Why do they want to share their husband?

As a woman, I feel like I deserve to have a man that loves me and only me. I want to feel special. I think the sister wives deserve that, too.

I know I can't love but one man. Obviously, the sister wives can't either. Can men really love more than one woman? Are men different? Does Kody really love them equally? Or is there one that really has his heart, and the rest are along to soothe his massive ego?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Bridezillas - "Cristal & Johanne"

I'm so behind. I haven't been "reality" blogging. I'm looking for a new show to blog about while Bridezillas is on hiatus ... any suggestions?

Cristal, 24, is engaged to marry the meek and mild Adam, 22, in Milwaukee, WI. Theirs is a high school romance that is still going and going ... She wears the pants in the family and admits that he might be the only person that can "stand" her. She shows high levels of "emotional instability" ... that's a quote.

She's abusive to those who are working to help her, to her man, to her friends, to her family. While at a bar, there is an incident where a guy insults her and calls her a cow, and possibly a few other things. She throws a drink on someone because of this ... not sure it's the name caller, but she doesn't really care. Somebody had to pay. The sad thing is that her fiance was along for the ride and never said a word. What a wimp. She's no angel, but you hope the man you are marrying will defend you no matter what. She flirts with his brother ... nothing from Adam. She's called a cow. Nothing from Adam.

These two should both move on. But, instead, there is a wedding. They have made it this long, maybe it's a match. Best wishes.

The bridezilla to end all bridezillas, Johanne, is simply waiting for her man, Ed, to marry her or leave her. Surprisingly, he does the first although he may be looking for a lawyer these days after getting a look at the footage from the show. She's a cheater and a liar. She's rude to Ed, her sister, her mom, her friends, and pretty much everyone who comes in contact with her.

She's not in love with Ed, and I think she believes she is "settling" although that is more true for him. Ed, you can do better. I'm wondering what has become of their relationship? I'm wondering if her "act" was all for the show ... and for Ed's sake, I hope so ... although I'm not sure any normal person would participate in a threesome just to get ratings ... and risk their one real relationship. If she did, she's one of a kind.

Good luck to Ed.

More next season about Bridezillas. I may do a blog or two on Sister Wives this week ... the season is over, but I think a recap might be nice.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Bridezillas - "Daphne & Johanne"

I've been delaying the inevitable. Writing about Johanne. For  two days, I didn't want to think about her. I feel dirty just putting her name on my blog. I said she was the "worst" in my last blog, but she has taken me to new low levels. She was hard to watch, and even harder to understand.

Anyway, she's picking up tuxedos with her brother. She doesn't like the color she chose so it's a redo. In the next scene, she's misplaced her tiara for her wedding. She's searching everywhere through mounds and piles of junk and clothes and crap. She should be on one of those hoarder or messy homes shows. Her place is a wreck. She never finds the tiara, but nobody could find anything in that trash heap. She wants to call off her wedding because of the missing headpiece. There's so so many reasons to call off this divorce-in-waiting that I'm all for it. Because of the tiara? Let's do it. Run for your life, Ed. Please. You will wish you had after you see what happens next ...

Johanne goes on a date (I SAID IT, YES, A DATE) with a friend. Not Ed, her fiance, but some random friend. She meets him at a bar, they drink a little and on the way out the door, he asks her if she wants to come by his place. She asks if the KIDS are there. No, thank God. What about his chick? Yes, she's there. Is that cool? Yes, that's cool. I had to rewind this scene a few times to make sure I understand that he's actually taking someone home from a date to his home and his girlfriend. It wasn't a bad dream. And, if that wasn't bad enough ... Johanne is looking forward to meeting his girlfriend because "she's cute." Then, she's at the house, the girls take a spin on the stripper pole and, SURPRISE, they all end up laughing and playing kissy face on the bed. Lights out. Cameras gone.

Poor, poor Ed. RUN, ED, RUN.

Johanne admits she's not sure she's in love with Ed. I'm pretty damn sure she is not even if she is "iffy" about it. This girl is the WORST. More of her next week. Hopefully, there won't be a wedding.

After Johanne, Daphne looks like a little sweet princess when she is really a whiny, spoiled, pouty little brat. Daphne, 20, is marrying Drew, 28, in Parsons, South Dakota, although they both live in Georgia. It's a wedding by proxy. Others will have to make it happen.

She can't decide on the theme. We have a rainbow-colored cake, Asian-themed bridesmaid gowns, a taste of the military (she served, thank you Daphne) party theme. Doesn't really make sense.

Daphe has changed the "flavor" of her wedding cake and color of her wedding cake at least a dozen times, and that's why she's ended up with the rainbow effect.  By the way, she likes cakes but hates doughnuts. Her fiancee loves doughnuts. She hates them so much that she forces him to eat all the doughnuts at once that he bought when she wasn't looking. She obviously doesn't understand that this is NOT a punishment for a doughnut lover.

She's one of the few brides that gets mad at her friends rather than the hairstylist at her "hair trial." I was mad at them both. The friend was critical, and Daphne overreacted ... so after a thrown comb and a shove, the bridesmaid is out the door. Then, the dress. It's half a dress she picked out, and it's half of her mother's dress. Put it all together and you have a "frankendress." Loved that reference, so I stole it from the show. It's a hot mess and doesn't fit.

It's time to decorate for the big day. So, for her Asian-Military-Rainbow-themed wedding in what looks like an abandoned building, Daphne purchases STREAMERS. Who uses streamers at an Asian-Military-Rainbow-themed wedding? And the streamers are orange and blue, which really doesn't go with the red, white and blue AND rainbow color palette.

The wedding goes on streamers and fold-out chairs and all. But, Drew's parents do not show. They don't approve of the match so they have boycotted the event. I felt sorry for Daphne. She's not that bad. His parents should be thankful she is not Johanne.

Jersey Shore Finale ... Goodbye Italia!

I’m glad it’s over. And,  I think the Jersey Shore gang would agree that their season of pasta and pesto was more internal drama than outside shenanigans. The season ended not with a bang (no pun intended), but with a whimper and a tour. Boring for them and everyone watching.

They partied one last time, cooked together one last time, packed their ludicrous amount of suitcases one last time and said goodbye one last time … until next season when they are back at the Jersey Shore.

They missed the simpler, more sinful times in America. Italy didn’t have the women, the raunchiness, or the "love fest" with them that they have grown accustomed to in Jersey … they looked to each other for entertainment this season. The men were so scarce in Italy that the girls (and I mean the two meatballs .. Deena and Snooki) hooked up with other or tried to “snuggle” with the guys in the house. Snooki got lucky. Deena got kicked out of bed. The guys just gave up.

Jenni quickly became my favorite … serving as a mom and a  mentor to the others. She didn’t do anything stupid or raunchy or ridiculous. Deena remains my least favorite … this girl is lewd and just plain vulgar. The rest fall somewhere in between for me. Snooki and Mike are entertaining. Sammi and Ronnie were not fighting so I have to give them kudos for that, and Vinnie and Pauly D are always the same … these guys never change their clothing style, their hair, their words … but I warn them that everything goes out of style so their time is coming.

Goodbye gang. It’s been awkward. I know several things now:

  1. I’m too old to watch this stuff.
  2. Most people do not act this way.
  3. What was once entertaining is now just offensive.
  4.  I still love reality TV but not this show. They have become stale.
  5. I hate fake tans and fake hair.
  6. I'm glad I was a teenager and a 20-something in a different time.
  7. Short short skirts don't really look that good on anyone.
  8. It IS hard to walk in high heels. 
  9. Don't let someone film you when you are drinking.
  10. Men really do "treat them like they meet them" so girls, please remember that.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Jersey Shore "Situation Problems"

I'm ending my blogging on the "Jersey Shore" after this season ... one more show to watch. Hopefully, I will be able to keep up with my blogging with fewer shows and the reality TV that I continue to find interesting. I no longer find these Peter Pan wannabes interesting. The Jersey Shore gang needs to grow up. I'm not going to encourage the continuation of this show by blogging about it anymore ... But to be fair, they have entertained me. They are so far from me and from my life ... that it's been an education. I hope they are the exception and not the rule. My children (who are 21 and 18) say they do not know anybody who behaves the way the Jersey gang behaves, so I take that as a good sign.

Having said that, I will give Jenni credit. I follow her on Twitter. I think she is the only one who has actually grown up. I would never have believed it by watching the first few seasons. But I think love has changed her. I'm glad for her.

Back to the show. Surprise Surprise. Jionni doesn't like Snooki sleeping with other guys! I think he's OK with other girls after the Deena escapades. He seems to want to break up with her. She's crying. I can't tell if they are a couple or not.

Deena, ugh, wants to sleep with Pauly D. He shows his smarts by dodging her at every turn and twist. This guy wants no part of that. So, while they are at the club, he's desperately trying to find a girl to bring home. He strikes out.

Thank goodness, Deena and Snooki aren't ready to go home with the rest of the gang so Pauly D doesn't have to sleep with his eyes wide open. Deena and Snooki head to another club where they are harassed and even THE BARTENDER wants them gone. He throws ice at them, so they rip apart his bar. Out they go.

Sam and Jenni are getting along great and Deena and Snooki are drinking along great. After a sleepless night, they head out drinking again in the morning and fall asleep in a bar. Out they go.

Mike keeps causing problems because he is a drama queen. He angers people at every bar he goes to, tries to start fights between the roommates, and is just being a pain in everyone's tanned rears. The group makes it clear that they don't care if comes to Jersey for next season. I hope not. Someone younger!

They have their last Sunday dinner with Jenni and Sam cooking. There's a little arguing ALREADY about the Jersey shore house because no one wants to share a room with Mike. Vinnie thinks he should get what he wants. Sam wants some "compromisation." I think I know what she meant. We'll see.

One more episode. Sorry I'm behind.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Bridezillas - "Tifani & Johanne"

One of the groomsmen, poor unsuspecting Marcus, did the unthinkable and missed his tux fitting. Tifani doesn't forgive or forget or nothing ... he's going to pay. So, she decides to reward him with a pan full of brownies laced with laxatives. She enlists the help of a friend for this dirty deed. They make the tasty treat, put them in the oven and promptly forget as they head to do errands. Luckily for Tifani, her mom is at her beck and call and gets the brownies from the oven for her. One problem. Mom has a sweet tooth and takes a few of the brownies for herself and Brandi (I'm guessing Tifani's sister). Tifani confesses and once again, she's lucky that mom has a sense of humor.

Later, she delivers the laxative-laced snack to her intended target.He has a bite or two and when he tries to share the brownies, Tifani doesn't like it. He's a smart guy and now he no longer wants to eat the brownies. Bathroom visit averted.

There is not a groomsman nor bridesmaid within a 10-mile radius of Tifani who doesn't get a beat down. Next to feel the heat is Jonathan's cousin. She doesn't like him and doesn't want him at her wedding so she pushes and punches to get her message across.

Then there's the rehearsal and, after that, the rehearsal dinner. Problem is ... no one wants to be around Tifani and she finds herself stranded at the wedding locale. Her mom sends someone to pick her up, and when she finally gets to the dinner, she is maaaaddd at Jonathan. He plays dumb (What? You were supposed to ride with me?) but then admits he left her there on purpose. "She was getting on my nerves." Gotta like this guy.

Wedding day arrives. She's drinking and getting ready. Jonathan is late. Will he show? He does. At the ceremony, she says a few sweet words to him and he responds appropriately with "I really love you a lot."

Just when you think you have seen it all on Bridezillas, and the worst is past you and the brides can't get any skankier or meaner or crankier ... they introduce Johanne.

Tattooed from head to toe (although that is what I like best about her), is 34-year-old Joanne, who is scheduled to marry the long-suffering (I don't understand this guy) 43-year-old Ed. If I heard right, they met in the military and, according to him, it was love at first sight. According to her, he's not all that. She claims she usually likes to date the "everybody wants to be with him" type of guy and poor Ed is just the opposite. Those are her words. She admits she agreed to marry him because she wants a wedding. And, for one more reason, because no matter how bad she treats him, no matter how many times she cheats on him ... he takes it. This guy is something else. Or she is.

Johanne heads to a pawn shop to buy him a cheap ring. His reward for marrying her. She cries broke and only spends $200 for his ring. Then, something catches her eye. A ring for herself! That one is $2,400 and, yes, she shells out the cash.

But the worst is yet to come. She wants Ed to get a tattoo that she has picked out while she gets a tattoo at the same time. He's blindfolded and she chooses a tattoo for him that reads "Property of Joanne" with big red lips. Her tattoo is on the inside of her thigh and declares the truth ... 100 % Certifiable. While her fiance is blindfolded and being branded, she is flirting, scheduling a date (yes A DATE) with and kissing (yes KISSING) the tattoo artist on her side of the wall. Ed sadly says, "Getting the tattoo wasn't painful. Listening to the sexual banter from my wife really hurt."

Poor Ed. I'm wondering if this wedding will happen.We'll see next week.

Bridezillas - "Kera & Tifani"

Tifani, 27, and her music-producer-wannbe fiance Jonathan, also 27, live and work in Shreveport, Louisiana, and that is where they will be married. They have been together 12 years ... and they met in high school. They have one child and lots of stories to tell on each other. He cheated on her then she cheated on him and now that that is out of the way, it's time to get married.

At a fitting for her bridal gown, Tifani doesn't want to put it on because the more she tries on her wedding dress, the less she likes it. So, it makes sense for her bridesmaid, Tisha, who is a different size, to try it on. Tifani insists. It doesn't fit. She still won't try on her dress. The seamstress will have to make do. This bridezilla will not change her mind or her clothes.

Then, Tisha still in tow, they head to the wedding site to check out the chandeliers that will line the rows of her outside wedding. However, there are only two. Tifani asks Tisha what she thinks and then doesn't like the truth! Tisha thinks she needs a few more fixtures, and thinks red candles might be nice. Red candles? Tifani thinks Tisha is off her rocker if she thinks candles would look good in a "chandelier" made for candles. Flowers! Tifani wants flowers in the stupid thing.

Because Tifani is on a budget, her mom is serving as the caterer. Tifani still insists on a taste test and her mom feeds her from a pan of  "dirty rice." When Tifani and her mom start working on the dining budget, Tifani starts eliminating things to save money ... the beef in the rice, the salad, the plates? Pretty soon she doesn't even want to serve the guests food. Then, with mom's encouragement, she makes some comment about using her "food stamp" card for food. I'm pretty sure those are not meant to pay the catering budget.

Money. Money. Money. Tifani wants a fancy glam wedding, but in no way does she want to pay for it. Next to feel her penny-pinching ways is Shana, the friend and videographer, who wants a measly $75 for her trouble. Shana admits she was going to do it for free, and make Tifani sweat a little, until Tifani starts berating her for choosing to pay other bills vs. paying for a bridesmaid dress. So, now she pays Shana, too.

It's drama for Kera when she and her crew head to the bridal shop for the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses and they aren't ready ... and they leave for the wedding the next day. She practically threatens the poor little elderly seamstress who begins hemming for her life. Literally. Then Kera cries and pouts and has a little fit. She keeps crying even though things are going her way. Wait ... is she doing this for the cameras?

At Kera's bachelorette party, her MOM wants to buy her a lap dance. Really mom? Next day, karma hits the inappropriate mom and her car breaks down on the way to the Vegas nuptials. Kera don't care. She heads on without her. After she is in Vegas, the party starts again.

On her wedding day, Kera is beautified by the Treasure Island hair stylist and makeup artist, and Kera is happy with the results. Married finally in the casino chapel ... they promise lots of love to each other and no kids just yet. They need to grow up first.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Bridezillas - Kim & Kera

The wrath of Kim knows no bounds. One of her bridesmaids shows up (after the water on the head in the bed incident ... see previous blog), and Kim literally starts pushing her around. Monique had the nerve to miss a dress fitting for Kim's "one time deal." Really? THIS IS A RENEWAL OF VOWS. NOT A REAL WEDDING.

Kim does not like gum chewing. Do not chew gum around this girl. You will get a smack down. She left one of her bridesmaids on the side of the road for chewing gum.

This is the "Kim Show" ... her words, not mine. Everyone else is an extra. In her twisted analogy, "If Julia Roberts did a movie and all the extras quit, it would still be a great movie because she is Julia Roberts." OK. However, Julia Roberts would probably not want everyone to quit or treat everyone rudely because she doesn't want people to think she is a diva or hateful or difficult to be around. It would hurt her professional and personal life. Kim is no Julia Roberts.

When Kim's mom finally intervenes because everyone is complaining about Kim, even she caves to Kim and asks everyone to help Kim out for her "wedding" RENEWAL. I added that last part.

On Kim's wedding day, the hair stylist is no where to be found. Good idea. Kim is doing hair herself. She is so stressed she kicks the camera crew out.

Finally, the vows are renewed and the bride is wearing white. Really?

Kera, 23, and her fiance, Jason, 26, are from Bakersfield, California, but are getting married at the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas. They are a modern couple and met on Myspace. She liked his huge muscles because it definitely wasn't his huge brain.When asked by producers to think of ONE THING he likes about her or sets her apart or makes her special, he can't even speak. He can barely remember his own name.

Kera and her mother and her maid-of-honor, Bre, go shopping for trinkets and stuff for the wedding, and Kera insists her maid of honor fork out the money. Bre's not happy, but she does it anyway.

At her make-up trial, Kera ends up in tears because her make-up doesn't look exactly like Christina Aguilera's make-up in Burlesque. Yes, that movie. Then she thinks her face looks fat. Not the make-up's fault. (This girl is thin, by the way.)

Later, it's time to make party favors or something, but Kera has the attention span of a gnat so she's bored in 15 minutes. She's taking a nap, and she wants everyone else to work. She and Bre get into it, and Bre storms out. Kera has to chase her down and, hopefully, apologize, but she won't do it in front of the cameras.

More on Kera in the next blog. I will try to catch up by tomorrow. I am so behind ...

Bridezillas - Ruby & Kim

Kim, 30, and her man, Walter, 32, have been together for 10 years. They have three kids ... and they are already married. They want to renew their vows. I will never, never, never understand why people want to renew their vows. They are already committed to each other. It's a done deal. I don't understand. Somebody help me.

For Kim, it's because she wants a "show" with a production going on around her. She's an event planner for a living so she wants to plan her own event that is all about her. What does she find the most stressful? Her bridesmaids. For some reason, they have lives that don't rotate around this ALREADY MARRIED PERSON.

She submits her bridesmaids to dance workouts. Forcefully removes gum from her sister's mouth. She's not a bridezilla, she is a housewifezilla. She's on the wrong show.

At her bachelorette party, a LINGERIE party, there is lots of liquor and the obligatory vulgar stripper ... this one is called "Night Train." Hell no.

On her weddding, her sister doesn't feel like getting out of bed to listen to Kim's constant demands ... so Kim dumps a bucket of ice or water on her head. NO ONE wants to wake up like that. So ... you guessed it ... a fight! Kim is scary crazy.

Ruby, 25, is marrying Chris, 26, and they live in Austin, Texas. She has supposedly lost some weight, so she's feeling good about herself. She looks fine. However, she don't act right.

First up, she heads to the tanning salon and two of her bridesmaids are no-shows. Ruby is pissed, and as she says, "Revenge is my second name." Not middle name, second name. So ... she heads to one of the bridemaids' apartments and the "no show" is sleeping because she has a job and had to work the night before. "No excuses" Ruby blasts her out of bed and forces her to go the salon. At the salon, Ruby is very, very worried that the salon owner (who is handling the tanning) will find her simply irresistible so she gives him the third degree about his personal life (the guy is married with kids and just wants her OUTTA there). He admits to being a little afraid of her.

Ruby puts her bridesmaids through a workout that she can't handle herself, and she stops in the middle of it. She claims she is "nice" for helping them out with their workouts and counting calories and all.

All in all, Ruby is a boring bride with a vulgar mouth. She worries about what other people are drinking or eating or wearing or looking at, but she probably should just listen to herself for two seconds. Is she the most vulgar bridezilla? Maybe not. One of the most? Yes. Her amazing wedding that she was so worried about has maybe 20 guests? I don't know. A pretty girl with a potty mouth ... that's Ruby.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Jersey Shore "Damage is Done"

I don't really understand men. And I really really don't understand Mike. To make Snooki like him or notice him (How old IS this guy?), he makes up his own perverted game of "telephone" ... Remember the game from your childhood where you whisper something to someone then they whisper it to someone else and so on and by the end of the game the story has changed? ... Only Mike calls it "Who's the rat?" He's trying to get the roommates to tell on him. So, he tells a lie to hurt Snooki. Say what? And waits to see who tells her. Now how does this help him? Don't they look like good friends to HER? What is his problem? The lie is that he called his friend The Unit (I'm guessing that is not his real name) and tells him to call Jionni and tell him that Snooki has been a bad, bad girl. Again, how does this, in any way, make Mike look good?

Gym, tan, who's the rat? The rat is Mike.

When Snooki doesn't fall into his arms and forgive him for his little prank, Mike threatens to really make the call. Somebody call the producers and tell them to tell Mike to shut up. This guy is the oldest most immature one of the bunch.

Movin' on. The guys take a trip to Sicily to visit Vinnie's family. No drama. Just hugs and wine and fun. The girls take a wine tour. All drama. Just tears and wine and crying.

We all know by now that Snooki did actually get a little tipsy and sleep with Vinnie. She claims she loves Jionni. Jenni tells her like it is and says, "Man up. If you loved Jionni, you wouldn't have slept with Vinnie." Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Jenni. The voice of reason. Snooki, never the voice of reason, says Jenni is not being a friend.

Poor little drunk Snooki has to fess up. Not once. Three times. To Jionni. We'll see more what happens next week. I'm not sure Jionni can take any more of her phone calls. He can't be sure what's coming next.

Big Easy Brides "Booty Bouncing Bash"

The season finale!

Wedding No. 1
Mundeep and Saras want a "last minute meeting" and it's just in time because Mundeep's traditional Indian mom has a bride on her way from India for an arranged marriage for her son. She doesn't like the beautiful and westernized Saras, who was not raised in a traditional Indian culture nor does she wear traditional dress. Mom's not happy, but they get married anyway. For once, this does not look staged! This girl is happy and in love! Good for Saras and Mundeep!

Wedding No. 2
Christine and Stephanie are a same sex couple opting for a "last kiss wedding." I think Stephanie made this up. Anyway, during the ceremony, Stephanie is walked down the aisle (by her sister maybe?) and gets to give kisses to other women until she reaches Christine for her "last kiss" and Christine will be the last person she will ever kiss. So there you have it, but Stephanie does linger a little long on one blonde. The ceremony is performed and the partying starts ... then ... you guessed it. Stephanie sneaks off to play kissy face in the back room with the blonde. Christine tears up the fake marriage certificate. Stephanie chases her down. They put tape on the fake marriage certificate. All's well. Except it's not. Good luck Christine. Once a dog, always a dog. (I think I'm quoting the wedding planner there.)

Wedding No. 3
Bob and Heather, in full sci-fi costume, and their earthling wedding guests (dressed appropriately in silver paint and tinfoil) are all in for a ride at this space odyssey wedding. Instead of saying "I do" or a simple "yes" ... Bob and Heather are both snorting and clicking and sniffing their vows to each other at warpspeed. I'm not sure if they are married or have the flu. I volunteer these two for the next space station adventure. Or when the aliens want to experiment on somebody.

Wedding No. 4
It's a double safari adventure wedding! Layla and Raphael and Diamond and Kevin want a double wedding with a safari theme and lions and tigers and zebras! And they want to "booty bounce." It's a dance. Except they can't get along. They argue over money. Over who's copying who. Or who looks good in what. At the wedding, it's questionable if anyone is going to show up. Finally, Diamond and Kevin are ready to do the deed. Then, Layla and Raphael want to do the same. Except Layla wants a "trail" ... or a "train" as most brides call them. She gets her trail. And they all get to bounce happily ever after.

Big Easy Brides "River Boat Rivalry"

Wedding No. 1
Shantrelle and Aisha are a same sex couple who want a "pimp and ho" wedding at the French Quarter Wedding Chapel. I have no idea what that means. I'm assuming it's the way they are dressed and not the way they live their lives. Prior to the ceremony, Shantrelle feels that the wedding planner, Maria ... who is sitting comfortably close to Aisha on the couch and commenting on her pretty lips ... is getting a little too friendly. I agree. Really, Maria, get your own same sex friend.

Wedding No. 2
Lacee and John are a May - December romance. She's about 20 and he's ... oh ... maybe 80? I don't know. But, I'm sure it's love. Is he rich? Is she pretty? Are they in love? It's not for me to say. (It's not for the wedding chapel staff to say either and they were caught second guessing this love affair in the backroom by the bride.) In the end, the wedding between "Sweets" and "Honey Bee" went off without a broken heel or hip.

Wedding No. 3
Tennille and Kareem want a "levee wedding." Huh? Something about Katrina or a Hurricane. It's rained out. That makes sense.

Wedding No. 4
John and Sandra, the head of security and a "waitress" at a local strip club, showed up for their extra special bodypaint wedding. I hope she is 21. He is probably twice that. This wedding had all the traditional bridal apparel ... pasties, thongs, high heels and bodypaint ... for Sandra and her bridesmaids. Classy.

Wedding No. 5
Billy and Kari want a Mardi Gras themed wedding! Finally something that makes sense in New Orleans! The bride also wants the wedding on a riverboat, with ice sculptures, and white doves released during the nuptials, and beads, and dancing men, and dolphins swimming alongside the boat, and a masquerade ball  ... well, her unreasonable demands can't be met so she gets the riverboat, and a few drunk friends, and a bridesmaid in a dolphin floatie. She's still married in the end.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Bridezillas “Frankie & Ruby”

Frankie/Ray Rae
I can’t get this girl’s name right. Call her what you will. I’m going with Frankie.

Two days before the wedding between Frankie and Robbie, she doesn’t have a dress. She has to wait six days for a refund for the one dress before she can buy another dress … the FOURTH dress. Everyone is mad at her for her bad dress-buying-decision-making-free-spending. Frankie says everyone can help her by giving her money to buy THE FOURTH DRESS.

Mom caves. There’s a new dress.

And there’s also a bachelorette party. Frankie is mad because the bar won’t let her in free, so they head elsewhere with her entire entourage of 7 or maybe 8 people. BTW, the groom is tagging along.  At the bar, Frankie is acting like the drunken idiot she is … and an argument breaks out over who said “Excuse me” and who didn’t. Important stuff.

Finally, the wedding day arrives. Weirdly, Frankie is the only one with a key to the church, and she’s late. She’s sobbing as she is preparing to walk down the aisle because “no one is listening to me.” And, 45 minutes later, she’s still getting ready. Screaming at everyone where the whole church can hear her. Embarrassing her parents and herself.  Finally, the ceremony. Afterwards, chaos. Dad can’t take it any more and wants her to shut  her mouth. “You are embarrassing me and your mama … again,” he says. She’s cussing in front of God and the kids and everyone.

Glad that is done.

Of all the foul-mouthed bridezillas in the reality TV world, Ruby has got to be one of the worst. And she’s a nurse. I’m not saying that being a nurse makes you a saint, but doesn’t she have to deal with people all day long? Hasn’t she learned to control her potty mouth somewhat?

Ruby, 25, is marrying Chris, 26, in Austin, Texas. They knew each other in junior high, and have now reconnected. She’s lost “100” pounds or maybe it’s “50” (she’s not sure) so she’s feeling good about herself and it gives her the right to critique her bridesmaids. Nice.

Nurse Ratched has nothing on Nurse Ruby. She outlines duties, screams and cusses, makes her bridesmaids get on their knees (literally) and praise her. After that ridiculousness, she makes her bridesmaids “wrap” napkins. They have enough of that and ditch the fun. They are sick of her. Ruby breaks down in tears. She does have a heart. Maybe.

More on Ruby in the next “Bridezillas” update. Sorry I’m behind with my blogging. I will try to catch up by Friday of this week.

Jersey Shore “Three Men and a Snooki”

The drama with Snooki’s boyfriend, Jionni, continues. He has left the building because … among other things such as .. oh, her getting drunk every night and making out with Deena … she literally showed her butt at the club and Jionni didn’t really like that. “No one can  handle me,” laments Snooki. Maybe she’s right. What self-respecting man would want to take her on? 

Although Jionni has left, he hasn’t really left … so they have one more goodbye … thanks to Jenni’s ability to find the train station. Then he’s gone.

A day later, and they are fighting on the phone. I’m not sure, but I think they might have broken up at this point? Snooki is so upset that the only thing that will make her feel better is a night out bumping and grinding with a stranger!

In the meantime, Deena thinks she is pregnant. Spoiler alert. She’s not.

Back to Snooki. Two days later, she seems to be fully over her Jionni heartbreak and wants to party … in the  house … pretending it’s a club. Mike is getting really creepy telling Snooki he “loves” her and ”I would date you.” Jenni and Sammi can’t take it. Does he hear himself?

Snooki is more interested in the others … and crawls into bed with Pauly D to snuggle and then crawls into bed with Vinnie to stay. I believe she has some “splainin to do.”

BTW, Deena wanted her own “snuggle time” with Pauly. She got a big “no thank you” from him and was sent packing.

More next week.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Jersey Shore "Where is my boyfriend?"

Snooki and Deena were hauled off to jail after rear-ending a police car, but they were released with just a fine and … now …. No license for Snooki. They lost the only other driver who kinda knew  how to drink a stick shift.

So, we’re waiting on the arrival of Snooki’s boyfriend, Jionni, from Jersey. Roger, Jenni’s boyfriend, can’t get off work so no trip to Italy for him. Because Jenni is upset, the girls decide a night out is what Jenni needs. Just the girls … so Jenni, Sammi and Deena hit the bars. They guys also head out on the town, and decide to bring home some new friends.

However, in the meantime … our little meatball is home waiting on Jionni. And, just to spice up the evening ... Mike’s little stalker, Brittany, shows up. Snooki puts her in Mike’s bed for a skanky little surprise for Mike. Then Mike brings Girl From Club home. However, a bird in the hand is worth two in the … so Mike sends Girl From Club home.

Finally, Jionni arrives and Snooki seems beyond happy. However, when they head out to the club and she gets drunk and does a little “sexy dance” and shows her booty … Jionni has had enough.  He storms off into the night. So after only about six hours in Italy … about three of which he is roaming the streets of Florence … he hits the door leaving Snooki to cry in her pillow.  “See ya. You’re single” were his final words to the tear-covered Snooki.

What’s weird about this is that … the girls seem to be more on Jionni’s side and the boys seem to be on Snooki’s side. However, would they want their girlfriend behaving like that? Think Ronnie? Would you? Think Vinnie … really? We all know if Snooki wants to have a serious relationship, she better learn to curb her drinking just a tad. And Jionni, did you just meet her?

Most memorable quotes of the show:

  • Snooki — “He’s like crocodilly but alive.” (Comparing Jionni to her much-loved stuffed animal.)
  • Jenni — “At least I can say I got to walk in Florence barefoot.” (Jenni when chasing Jionni through the streets.)

Most memorable non-meatball moments of the show:

  • Mike suddenly thinks he’s Crouching Tiger as he kicks the thin air constantly to show his weird-pigeon toed kung fu moves. He also has become paranoid and believes Jionni, who is completely clueless, is out to get him. Jionni doesn’t take the kung fu bait, and escapes unharmed. However, I do think the wall is out to get Mike.
  • Jenni spray tans Snooki’s butt. Now, they are BFFs forever!

More next week.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Bridezillas "Frankie and Marissa"

Marissa, 22, and Jonathan, 23, believe they have a dysfunctional but fun relationship. Jonathan is a tree farmer and hip-hop artist. We'll see. Marissa, who I THINK has three children from three other men and a child of Jonathan's, actually seems to have all their names tattooed on her bad little self. I couldn't quite understand all the relationships and children and tattoos, but you get the picture.

Three weeks prior to the wedding, she finds out that Jonathan is cheating on her. That doesn't change her mind about getting married. Then, Jonathan, writes and performs a ridiculously horrible rap song he has written for her. If THAT didn't send her packing, nothing will.

Marissa and Jonathan are writing their own vows. He thinks he's a song writer so this should be easy for him, right? He starts off with "I love yo face" so it's going really well.

The wedding does actually take place despite the gaggle of kids, a ripped wedding dress, the lack of alcohol at the reception, the cheating' and the horrible music choices.

Frankie/Ray Ray
Frankie is getting married to Robbie (remember them from last week?). At her bridal shower, she wants it to be "nice and elegant." That means people waiting on her. It apparently does NOT mean that you can't have paper plates or plastic tablecloths or cussing or raunchy party games. It also does NOT mean that the bride must keep her cool and be thankful for her gifts. She comes unglued when she gets a coffee pot as a gift because her husband-to-be drinks coffee, but she does not. I don't think she even understands the reasoning behind showers and gifts.

In other Frankie news:

  • She wants the more expensive photographer even though she can't afford it. However, after seeing the samples from the cheaper photographer, I think she's right.
  • She forces one of her bridesmaids to get her ears pierced. Literally holds her down.
  • She still doesn't have her wedding dress three days prior to the wedding. She ordered it online from far far away. 
  • And, because of the dress, she doesn't want to go to the reception hall and pick the menu. Say what? What kind of catering service lets you select the menu three days prior to the wedding? I'm thinking KFC or Pizza Hut. We'll see next week.

Big Easy Brides "Swamp Wedding"

Here we go with the fun from the French Quarter Wedding Chapel ...

Wedding No. 1
Megan and Chris, one of the drunkest couples I've ever seen on this show who  ...  and I'm pretty sure they won't remember this in the morning ... request a quickie marriage at a bar where they happen to be drinking. A "dive bar" wedding ... one of the many themes for New Orleans traditional nuptials. After the "marriage ceremony" the bride decides to donate her bra to the collection that the bar owner has hanging from the ceiling. (creepy) So, the bride goes topless for a minute or two. Then, the beer is getting the best of her and she needs to make a quick trip to the restroom and while on her way, a bar patron (female) shouts her best wishes ... "Congratulations on your skank wedding." The bride promptly beats her up. Wedding party over.

Wedding No. 2
Jasmine and Michael want to tie the knot after knowing each other for one month. She's a typical mail-order bride. No seriously, he found her online and brought her to the United States from the Philippines. At first, Michael's brother doesn't like it, but then decides she's "pretty hot looking" and maybe he'll find a bride online himself ...

Wedding No. 3
Dianna and Casey. They are some weird, outer space alien-lovin' couple. I don't even know what else to say.

Wedding No. 4
Rob and LaKeisha ... poor LaKeisha ... she believes the "witch" she has hired (Lady Mimi) can remove the demons from this man who can't stop cheating on her. LaKeisha, I don't believe the witch or the marriage or you yourself can stop this man from his cheatin' ways. Good luck.

Wedding No. 5
Now, for the finale, the featured "swamp wedding." The scary swamp couple, Andrew and Susie, have come in from their bayou habitat to meet with the wedding chapel staff. I honestly believe this might be the first time this couple has come out of the swamp. I'm not kidding. They live off the land and LOVE chitlins (pig intestines), alligator and grits and want that tasty menu at their wedding. She also adores sunflowers so sunflowers will adorn her hair. If someone can get a brush through it. For the wedding music, they want old-time country music and that famous wedding song, Jingle Bells.

Of course, it's not a featured wedding on Big Easy Brides without some fake drama so the drama here is Andrew's ex who calls and shows up to ruin the big day. Fortunately, Maria (wedding planner) is there to save the day and actually has the nerve to say "Nobody comes in and ruins a wedding that I am planning." Really? That's what this show is about. That's what happens in practically every wedding. So shut up.

By the way, for their wedding garb, Susie wore ankle booties, a veil, a yellow sundress of some sort while Andrew dressed up his overalls with a jacket.

This show annoys me to no end because everyone is TRYING to act, they create fake drama, and it's not really that entertaining. This is my one and only season to blog about it, but it may not be around next year anyway. I know one thing from watching this show, I would never get married anywhere near that place.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Big Easy Brides "The Coming Out Episode"

Man, I hate this show. But here goes ...

Wedding No. 1
Morgan and Jeff, a Northern California couple looking for a unique wedding experience, ask the folks at the French Quarter Wedding Chapel to arrange it. They have been wanting to get married for a long time so they decided to elope to New Orleans. Morgan loves Jeff because he's a "guy's guy" and Jeff loves Morgan because she "lets me be me." Can you say "Jeff might be self-centered so how long will this marriage last" three times fast? They take a boat ride on the bayou and get married on a rickety old dock. Done.

Wedding No. 2
Shay and Aaron are a nurse/cowgirl and bull rider in love. For the wedding ceremony, lots of drunken guests and a groom in chaps. Let me say it again. Chaps. Wait ... did I mention that was ALL he was wearing on his lower half? We didn't get a view (thankfully) but the guests got an eye-full. One female liked it so much that she gave his bottom a two-handed slap. Bride no likey. A fight breaks out. Can you say "staged?"

Wedding No. 3
Candy and Trent are looking for something "darker and heavier" at their heavy metal nuptials inside the chapel. So ... the bride makes her entrance from a casket, and everyone is dressed in leather and no lace. Except the bride's mother ... who shows up in a traditional dress. She's not crazy about the guests. "These are the kind of people I ran from as a kid." The dark chocolate cake. "A wedding cake should be white." And the groom who dedicated the ceremony to satan because he's a "fan" of his work. "What did he say?"

What mother wouldn't be a little disappointed in THIS for her daughter? She tells her daughter she's making a terrible mistake. I would put my money on the mom.

Wedding No. 4
Kai and Sarah are a comic book designer and corporate lawyer in love. Can you see where this is going? Wait, you know she's the lawyer, right? Sarah, and her parents, want Kai to sign a prenuptial agreement. Kai don't wanna. His parents don't want him to either. However, the second generation lawyer says there will be no wedding if there is no prenup. He caves and the wedding goes on. I would hire her.

Wedding No. 5
Allison and Bridgette want a "gay pride wedding that's festive and with rainbows." Everyone is on board and fine with it and all that (this is 2011) ... except that Allison hasn't told her parents that she is in love with a woman. When told, mom takes it pretty well and eventually shows up at the chapel wedding. Apparently, dad didn't take it as well and he's a no show.

After the wedding, they have a parade in white dresses through the streets of New Orleans. It starts pouring down rain, but it ends with a rainbow so all's well with the couple. Almost. Then, some drunken goon starts shouting remarks at the couple and promptly gets a beat down by two of their bestest friends. No harm done. The little umbrella didn't seem to injure him ... so all that's hurt in the end is everyone's feelings.

More next week.

Jersey Shore 2011 "Meatball Mashup"

Snooki is - season by season and slowly but surely - working her way through her castmates. First there was Vinny. Then, supposedly, Mike. Not sure about Pauly D. Anyone remember? Now, there is Deena. She doesn't discriminate. Watch out Sammi, Ronnie and Jenni ... you may be next.

But let's back up. The Jersey Shore crew headed to the Riccione beach for the weekend  ... them and their 16 suitcases for a 24-hour trip. On the first day there, the guys head out on their own for a pretty subdued outing while the girls want to wear their bikinis and get drunk. However, Sam and Jenni (the sanest of the bunch) get their fill of the drunken meatballs (that would be Deena and Snooki) soon enough and head home. Deena and Snooki find a party and continue their drinking. Deena dances so hard that here bikini bottoms literally fall off.

So .... the guys and Sam and Jenni head to dinner without the drunken twosome who eventually ... drunk as ever ... make their appearance. Then, the whole gang heads to the club. Deena, apparently never found her bikini bottoms, because she's giving everyone a show at the club. Then, because no boys are interested in either of them, Snooki and Deena spend the rest of the evening in the club ... on the ride home ... in the hotel ... and in their twin bed ... playing kissy face. Everyone is pretty sure that Snooki is just drunk, but maybe Deena swings both ways? Whatever. I don't care.

And, as Ronnie says, cheating is cheating is cheating. So, in everyone's eyes, except Snooki's and her very forgiving boyfriend, Jionni, it's not cheating when you are with Deena.

To close the show, we see Snooki rear-ending a police vehicle. They seemingly haul her and Deena to jail, while the policeman takes a ride in an ambulance.

We'll see next week.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Bridezillas - Kim and Frankie

Three weeks of foul-mouthed Kim is all I can take. She and her entire brood can't say a sentence without using the F word, and all in front of her little daughter. All class this bunch. Even if they were doing it for the show, shame on them. Kim's promo for her stint as a bridezilla was, "You all suck!" I agree. They all do.

So we have drama here, drama there, drama everywhere with Kim. First up, the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Kim screaming and fussing and cussing and on and on. At the dinner, one of her brothers refuses to sit next to one of her nephews because he "throws up and spits" so Kim's dad storms out. Then mom storms out. Then Kim storms out. Dad refuses to go back in because everyone is so disrespectful (and he's the picture of perfection himself) ... until he decides he needs a drink. Dad is crazy. Mom is psycho. There's a whole ward from an asylum here.

Oh yeah, the tuxedos. All the drama about the wrong size and the threats of bodily harm to the tuxedo store owner ended calmly when he showed these scholars how to loosen and tighten the pants. One phone call and all drama would have been avoided. But that wouldn't be any fun.

Kim and Jeremiah have a joint bachelor and bachelorette party where Josh, I believe he is the groom's brother, gets so drunk that he disrupts the entire event. This is new. Someone besides the bride getting drunk and actin' a fool on Bridezillas.

On the wedding day, there's a problem with the bus. It can't get turned around (after a wrong turn) and the bride threatens to take out an elderly woman who won't move her car. Nice. Finally, the wedding. Crazy dad and psycho mom walk her down the aisle. The groom looks a little emotional and can't take his eyes off of Kim while Kim is looking everywhere but at the groom. What's up? Dad sheds a tear. Finally, it's over. Good luck to this crew.

Frankie or "Ray Ray"
Frankie, 24, and her wife-beater-wearing fiance, Robbie, 24, (did he know he was being filmed?) are getting married in Youngstown, Ohio. After seven years together and two kids, they think it's time. Robbie says he was attracted to ... "Not the face. It was the butt."

Frankie claims to be royalty of Youngstown and continually compares herself to Kate ... yes Kate of Prince William and Princess Kate. "I'm the Kate of Youngstown. I have a tiara," she claims. And that proves it.

Like all the bridezillas before her, Frankie is foul-mouthed and loves to yell, scream, threaten and hit. Her first chance to come unglued is when her bridesmaids miss the party to put together her wedding favors. The next chance is when her wedding dress hasn't arrived (ordered from Paris) just a few days before her wedding. Never mind that it is her THIRD dress. Dress No. 1 ... not pretty enough. Dress No. 2 ... didn't fit. So we get dress No. 3.

Frankie's most offensive moment is when she demands $50 for something from Robbie's stepmother and she refused. Frankie lets loose with every expletive known to man and calls this poor woman every name in the book. Welcome to the family!

 More on Frankie next week ...

Jersey Shore 2011 "Fist Pumps, Push Ups and Chapstick"

I'm really, really tired of the Jersey Shore crew. Is anybody else? Same old crap in Italy, in Miami, in Jersey. Time for cancellation ...

Anyway, it's my last season to blog about them, so I'll do what I promised myself. Finish it.

In a continuation from last episode (where Mike fought the wall ... and the wall won), Mike is feeling sorry for himself and even sheds a tear on his own behalf. While the rest of the gang goes about their daily business, Mike pouts enough that Ronnie finally feels sorry for him. After a few hugs and kisses from Ron (OK, just the hugs) ... Mike starts to come around.

The drama with Snooki's boyfriend, Jionni, also continues. He seems a little jealous, but we all know he has probably seen a few seasons of Snooki's escapades so can you blame him? The guys tell Snooki to break it off, but she doesn't want to end this love affair just yet.

The girls are at a club, and for some reason, can't get along with other girls! There is arguing, yelling, a little pushing and finally some girl pours a drink on Snooki's head and she goes after her ... and in the midst of the throwdown ... Snooki and Deena discover they are pulling each other's hair. Enough already.

Sam and Ronnie are back together. No, they're not. Yes, maybe they are. It's like the Jersey version of Groundhog Day ... you can't escape this comedy-drama. Pauly D. threatens to smash his own head against the wall. I started looking for a window to jump out of ...

All in all ... boring episode. We'll see what's next.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Big Easy Brides "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"

Wedding No. 1:
The first wedding of the episode belongs to Mystee and Garrett. They want a balcony wedding in the French Quarter. The wedding itself is short and sweet, but the after party goes on a little too long for the bride. Mystee and Garrett both find themselves attracted to a female who is, as tradition calls for in New Orleans, flashing them in exchange for beads.They invite her to the party ... and then both, one at a time, decide to ...  um .... get to know her a little better. The drunk girl then wonders off. However, later in the evening ... Garrett is nowhere to be found. OF COURSE he's with the wasted party girl. So, I wonder if they are still married?

Wedding No. 2:
It's a courtyard wedding for Josh and Leeann! It's raining so .. it's a balcony wedding for Josh and Leann! They are a young couple so they outfit themselves appropriately with a tux that's too big, a white gown that's too tight, and tattoos that are too obvious. However, you know but you know but you know ... there's gotta be some drama or why bother? The drama shows up in the form of Josh's ex-girlfriend who accuses Leann of being of ill repute. Nobody cares. I sure don't.

Wedding No. 3:
Six foot 8-inch tall Sean and 4 foot 10-inch Bridgette have found love and a stepladder so they are going to make it permanent. The wedding planner, Maria, asks all sorts of inappropriate questions about their love life, and the couple doesn't seem to mind very much. It's a done deal as Sean takes a knee so he can look directly into Bridgette's face.

Wedding No. 4:
They saved the best for last ... the vampire wedding! These two dimwits, Queen M. and Steve, have labeled themselves vampires, and they want an appropriate bloodsucking wedding. First, a voodoo cleansing ceremony. Something all girls dream about. Then, the ceremony must be at a mortuary rather than ... oh a church or chapel. And finally, a request for raw liver and raw meat at the wedding reception. They are expecting 15 vampires along with the 10 humans and the one "pet" ... a weird little blonde woman who supposedly lets the vampires drink her blood. The maid of honor at this perverse gala is Lady Sue, whose gloomy and bizarre behavior has you almost believing in this ridiculousness. And, this woman eats raw liver ... gobs of it. Maria, the wedding planner, seems a unnerved by all of this creepy behavior and weird liver lust especially after Lady Sue announces to her that ..."I've eaten better people than you."

OK then. Finally, the wedding begins with the bride in a black corset ... and the groom dressed like the Count from Sesame Street ... and the weirdo maid of honor with her long, stringy hair ... and the fanged guests. Did I mention they all have fangs? During the ceremony, the bride refuses to say "til death do us part" because as we all know, vampires are undead creatures. They exchange vials of blood instead of rings ... reminiscent of Billy Bob and Angelina Jolie? Whatever, it's their celebration.

More next week about this freak show.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Bridezillas - Kim and Danielle

Daniellle, 37, and Virgil, 35, are about to walk down the aisle. They met in their hometown of Chicago and, according to Virgil, "She pursued me." According to Danielle, "He was not attractive." However, they now are a family and have a set of twins to raise (Danielle also has a 20-year-old daughter whose name is Daunjell ... not sure I got the spelling right).

Virgil admits his true feelings for Danielle right away, "I knew our relationship was going to last forever when she got pregnant." He doesn't know how true that really is.

Danielle likes to scream, cry and throw things. A typical bridezilla. She also likes to cuss. Another trait of a bridezilla.

Danielle enjoys the finer things in life. We know that because she told us. We find out right away that one of those "finer things" is a very inappropriate stripper at her bachelorette party. Her daughter can't believe what she is seeing and admits there was "stuff I didn't want to see."  Danielle admits she's not sure, but the stripper might have taken advantage of her. Her sister met him previously because he is a "server" who offers different "levels." OKaaaaay.

Danielle is late to her rehearsal dinner, so she then lectures everyone on how to behave and "walk softly" at her wedding day and in her presence. After the rehearsal dinner, she starts thinking about her cake (for the NEXT DAY) and wants to change the flavor at 10:45 p.m. She leaves a message for the bakery to make the cake carrot instead of chocolate. Don't think she got that.

On her wedding day, she misses her appointment with the photographer (this girl is always late) so she lashes out at everyone in sight, including the camera crew, and then breaks down in tears. Nevertheless, the wedding goes on and her colors are bright orange and red, but her cake is a "Tiffany box" theme ... light green. Doesn't. Really. Match.

However, it's done. She's done. Danielle gets one episode unlike ...

Kim is in her second episode of Bridezillas, and because she is one of those appalling and rare breeds of bridezillas (with a obnoxious family at her side), we know that she will be back next week.

I gotta agree with Kim here. She admits she is an "angry bitch" (her words) and so over-the-top because of her parents. Her mother is always saying "I'm dying" and exaggerating everything ... the problem with the tuxedos, her health, whatever. The momster interrupts Kim's nail appointment to tell Kim, "I'm throwing up blood. Your dad is freakin' out. I'm going to die." Kim says she is ALWAYS saying that so go on and "die already." This is a fun bunch!

OK, the problem with the tuxedos. They ordered them from some friend of Kim's dad, and they didn't have the right color vests so they got black vests. So what (and so much better than the "watermelon and guava" she actually requested). Also, the ties went to the wrong place so they are late. Additionally, her fiance's pants don't fit. Jerry, her fiance and a Pauly D talk-alike), also has a fit. They are a match!

Kim's brother, fiance and a whole bunch of other brawlers are prepared to go down to the "tuxedo store" and take this guy out. Her brother shows his support ... "I will violate my probation" to make sure Kim gets what she wants. Soup Gold.

Kim also is upset that her sister is sick and pregnant ... obviously a devious plot to ruin Kim's wedding day. She's afraid no one is coming to her rehearsal dinner. We'll find out later.

More on Kim and her new bridezilla counterpart next week.

Jersey Shore 2011 - "And the Wall Won"

Ronnie 0. Mike 0. Wall TKO.

According to the promos, Mike and Ronnie have a battle royal. Not so much. They have a little tussle, but prior to that ... Mike is so enraged that he hits his own head against the concrete wall. So, basically, Mike beat himself up. Sent himself to the hospital. Gave himself a "slight concussion and neck sprain." After he returns from the hospital, he mopes around feeling sorry for himself because the gang's all gone (doing laundry or at the gym or something). Pauly D finally comes home and gets a look at Mike's outfit.

According to Pauly D, the fashionista, "You don't wear sunglasses with a neck brace. That looks ridiculous." However, we know that gelling your hair until it stands straight up looks cool.

After the fight, everyone is crying. Everyone is upset. Most people seem to blame Sammi. Ronnie feels bad and apologizes to everyone. To remind everyone, they got in a fight because Sammi told Ronnie that Mike said something. Yeesh.

So, Sammi and Ronnie break up for the 42nd time. He admits he's been calling girls (actually one I believe) while he's been in Italy. Sammi is heartbroken ... again ... so she leaves all the gifts that Ronnie has purchased her (a purse, earrings, some clothes) on his bed. He finds them there and dumps them in the trash. She gets them out of the trash because she doesn't want the stuff thrown away. She was just making a point.

Later, after a night on the town with the guys, Ronnie laves a grenade alone at the bar and decides he would rather be with Sammi. He buys her flowers and gives them to her at the house and the first words that pop out of her mouth are "Did you bring a girl home?" Not "thank you." Not "how sweet." Not "I love you, too." Ronnie doesn't take her reaction well, and takes the flowers back and into the trash they go. Sammie goes dumpster diving once again and retrieves the flowers.

In other news, we learn:

  • Snooki's boyfriend doesn't like dirty talk. That makes him a normal person, and makes me wonder what he is doing with Snooki who apparently even talks dirty to herself.
  • Pauly D, when drunk, also doesn't mind throwing a few punches (although he admits later he is not a fighter). Some guy at a bar keeps yelling "Che Sosa?" (which I think means "What?" or literally "What thing?" ) at Pauly D and even makes a throat-slashing gesture. Pauly D wants to take him on, but the almost-fight is stopped.
Next week, looks like Snooki is in a brawl. A new fight every week!!

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Big Easy Brides "Fishing Camp Fiasco" (episode 2)

Today, I'm recapping the French Quarter Wedding Chapel weddings of episode 2. 

Wedding #1
Richard and Karen, who have been drinking, and their friends, who also have been drinking, show up in the middle of the night ... wearing togas no less ... and want to get married. They have known each other between 8 and 10 months. No one is really sure. The ceremony is performed, and then there's a big drunk toga-filled dog pile. And, like any newlyweds, they want to celebrate their nuptials by streaking down Bourbon Street. Groom goes first, and the rest follow. I hope they didn't spend their honeymoon in jail. I also hope they actually remember they are married.

Wedding #2
Tim and Brandy, who are bodybuilders, wear tiny little bikinis (yes, even him) for their big day. Guests, too. From a distance, Brandy looks a little younger than she actually is ... I believe. You know I have high definition TV right? I can see everything. So watch out reality show divas ... I see the real you. Anyway, in the middle of the "I dos" ... the maid of honor stops the wedding, she and the bride step out, and we find out that she also is in love with the bride. This was very contrived, and I didn't buy a word of it. These ladies are terrible actresses. After that ridiculousness, the wedding continues, and we have two more people that are going to fight over who keeps the dining room set in two years. If that.

Weddings #3 and #4
The wedding chapel staff are challenged to find some people to marry on a slow day. So ... we get Teresa and Robert, who are simply renewing their vows after 30 years of marriage. And, we have Alex and Steph, a same-sex couple, who are ready to tie the knot. No drama here and no fireworks. Just two couples declaring their commitments to each other in the Chapel. Although I don't think you can "remarry" someone legally, and I don't think same-sex marriages are legal in Louisiana, these two weddings were the most "real" and probably have the most staying power.

Wedding #5
And, finally, the reason we are all here, to celebrate the union of ... Chassidy and Nick. These two, young and pierced and stupid, live somewhere in the bayou. Now, try to keep up. Nick, who is nothing to look at or hear and I wonder if he even has a job, has a baby with Chassidy's best friend, Angel, whom Nick calls "The Thing." Chassidy also thinks she is pregnant (thus, the wedding). The Chapel's Maria, the wedding planner, wonders ... along with the rest of us ... what is so attractive about this guy? So she asks the girls ... Is the sex that good? They both admit they have had better. Right on TV. 

Then on the wedding day, with the groom in jeans and a T-shirt, and the bride in a short, tight white dress with pink straps, Angel drops a video bombshell. She has Nick on her phone kissing another girl! The night before! Even before this shocking news, the bride already is saying she's not 100 percent sure she wants to marry this guy. 

So, a few minutes pre-wedding, Chassidy pretty much wants out, and to guarantee it, Jaelyn shows up (that's the girl in the kissing video) to fight for her (and Chassidy's ... and Angel's) man. Chassidy doesn't put up much of a fight, and tells Jaelyn she can have him. Wedding off. Food and music and alcohol on. (This is Louisiana.) 

And, to end the show, we see Jaelyn comforting (and kissing) the distraught Nick ... who maybe really wanted to marry Chassidy? Oh well. Now he has Jaelyn!

Next week, more Big Easy Brides.

Sorry I'm late with this blog; it's hard to work and parent and blog and live. I'm trying to get more organized.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Bridezillas - Brittany and Kim

Kim,25, is marrying her longtime neighbor and now fiance, Jeremiah, 26. They, literally, grew up across the street from each other. They've been dating for 10 years, and they have a 3-year-old daughter. They admit it was "hate at first sight," but then Kim's cousin expressed an interest in Jeremiah, so Kim decided she wanted him for herself and developed a "crazy psycho stalker crush." She says you know it's love when you "hate someone so much that you can't live without him." I've always said that.

Kim handles stress about as well as any three year old. She cries, screams, yells and throws things. In her first test with stress ... get ready ... a cancelled tanning appointment ... Kim begins her tirade against her family and fiance to help her find a new salon. Forget picking up a phone book and doing it herself, Kim just wants to whine and complain. And, during this incident, we get our first taste of her parents. And they are sour. The mom has a mouth on her ... so we discover quickly where Kim gets her attitude. Her mother, none too attractive and just maybe a little overweight, has the nerve to criticize Kim's appearance by pointing out a tiny zit on her face. Kim, who admits she loves her face, isn't too happy about the criticism. And, honestly, I don't blame her. Be supportive and caring MOM. That's what moms do MOM.

Later, at a family dinner, mom points at herself and tells Kim that "this is you in 10 years." Dad chimes in about how he used to be able to fit mom's butt in one hand, and now he can't even do it with two. "Soup" gold right there. Kim's fiance, jokingly, says Kim was none too pretty when he started dating her so he wasn't in it for looks. He quickly tells her that she is "beautiful now," but the damage is done. Kim, who is sick anyway, leaves for the car. The night was no fun for her.

We find out that Kim wanted a black wedding dress, but her mom wouldn't have it (can't blame her there) so, instead, she decides to wear a black dress at the wedding reception and shows it off to her mom. Her mom tells her she will embarrass them and look like a jackass. Kim responds that they are all a bunch of jackasses anyway. OK, I will agree with her there.

Kim, overwhelmed by the stress of gluing ribbons onto glasses for her reception, wants Jeremiah to help with this chore. Jeremiah, who has been working in the hot sun on a roof all day, wants to play an Xbox game with his little girl. First she throws something at him. As Jeremiah continues to refuse, Kim threatens to ... then does ... slam the Xbox into the ground.

More on Kim next week.

Brittany, the Buddhist wannabe who likes the "idea of it" has all sorts of pet names for her fiance, Michael. Each time she refers to him or wants his attention,she calls him an "idiot" or a "moron." Her returns the favor by calling her "honey." According to Brittany, this guy can't do anything right ... he forgot the keys, he's a terrible driver, he doesn't talk loud enough ... the list of things Brittany doesn't like about him is endless. Again, why does she want to marry him? Actually, he is a sweetheart and deserves better.

At her bridesmaids' dress fitting, Brittany sells her dress from her first wedding to one of her bridesmaids, who is getting married also. The dress doesn't even remotely fit the girl, so I'm not sure why she is buying it. The bridesmaids' dresses are fitting OK, except one is the wrong color. I couldn't really understand what happened there, possibly because of the all drinking going on at the fitting.

Right before the actual wedding, Brittany kicks two bridesmaids (Liz and Ingrid) out of the wedding. One (Ingrid) because of something she said or did (or didn't say or do) to the wedding planner and one (Liz) because she supposedly has a thing for Michael. Then Ingrid is back in. Whew! That was close! Liz, however, has no such luck. Brittany replaces her with her wedding planner that she barely knows and found online. That makes for happy memories ... when your bridesmaid is a complete stranger. Poor Liz is waiting in her car in the parking lot hoping for a last-minute reprieve that never comes.

The wedding is a small, intimate affair with personal vows. Brittany is choked up and can't read hers, so weirdly, the minister reads them to Michael.

Thank goodness it's finally over, but now without last minute drama and firetrucks and who knows what. I was tuned out at this point, and very tired of the mean-spirited Brittany. I wish Michael the best.

More Bridezillas next week.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Jersey Shore "Crime and Punishment"

The gang is still agog with the fact that Deena pulled a double “robbery” with one half of the oh-so-not-nice twins, Erika. First she stole the girl from Mike, then she later stole the same girl from Vinny. This girl, Erika that is, has no preference on who or when or what she is with … she’s just downright skanky. However, I’m not sure Deena seems any better.

Because the boys (not men, boys) are still in awe over Deena’s robbery; they decide to play a joke on Deena and put her bed in the living room. She literally has a meltdown over it. Jenni, ever the sensible one again, tries to play “roommate matchmaker” and wants everyone to kiss and make up. The guys are on board so it’s done.

And, we’re still going on and on about Snooki’s supposed hook up with Mike. She tells her boyfriend about what Mike is saying and denies to Jionni that it’s true. Her boyfriend takes her side (he seems like a good guy), so Snooki hopes this is all behind her.

Oh, and then there is Ronnie and Sammi. It only takes one night out at the club, with a few drinks down, for Sammi to resort to her old jealous tricks. She sees a girl dancing in the vicinity of Ronnie and just about loses it.  He’s had enough. She does not trust him. I don’t think she ever will. The break up is on, or is it? I can’t tell. They go home, and in their drunken idiocy, Sammi tells Ronnie something that Mike said about Ronnie bringing five girls home when they were in Miami or something like that. Who cares? Mike is always flapping his gums and starting crap. Just ignore him people!

But Sammi can’t ignore it. And, apparently, Ronnie can’t either and starts a fight with Mike … but more on that next week.

In other segments:
• Pauly D, Deena and Snooki have their first day working at the pizza place. Pauly D seems to be enjoying himself while the girls are trying to sneak wine in the back. Busted.
• Jenni hears Ronnie talking on the phone to his “friend” Hannah. They actually consider writing another note.
• Mike and Pauly D bring home two girls from the club, Yab. Thankfully, these girls sobered up and made their parents proud by leaving the hornet’s nest before they became one of many.

Funniest quotes:
Pauly D. pointing our Ronnie to one of the girl visitors: “That’s what happens when you take steroids.”

Mike talking about Deena’s robbery: “Deena has a criminal record. It will be on her record for seven years.”

More  next week.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Bridezillas - Suzy & Nicole; Suzy & Brittany

Sorry, it's been two weeks again so I have to do double duty on my recaps. Personal stuff you know. Now down to business.

Nicole and her reluctant fiance, Mike, are from Loma Linda, Calif. Nicole is a whiner who is in need of attention. The good news is that she is on Bridezillas, and the bad news is that no one who actually really knows her wants to pay any attention to her. Take note that out of the 18 invitees to her bachelorette party, only five showed. And, of those five, no one wanted to stay out late and party with the girl. Her maid of honor, Ashley, is a brave soul and let this silly diva know that ... yes, it's her. Nothing else.

To get what she wants, Ashley whines and cries and whines some more. Case in point. She didn't have enough money to pay for the wedding hall or something so her coordinator forks out the bucks when Ashley whines, acts like a baby, cries fake tears, and whines some more.

The worst thing about Nicole ... she needs her back waxed. That's "Soup Gold" right there. She even wonders why she did it .. it hurt and Mike doesn't seem to mind! After the back waxing, Mike is called to pick her up, and he is tired of her crap. He starts questioning if he even wants to get married. He is sick of her nagging and whining and tells her so. Her response? The price you pay for marrying her. She definitely knows how to entice her man.

At the wedding, Mike shows up, but this guy looks scared to death. He says he feels sick. Mike, I got news for you, you shouldn't marry someone unless you really, really want to do it. You seem reluctant at best.

The marriage happens, and Nicole actually looks pretty when she smiles. Finally. Mike, still wide-eyed from what just happened ... says ...  "I'm trying to do the least amount of thinking as possible." Well, Mike, you and  Nicole will now have something in common.

Brittany, 26, and her sadly sweet fiance, Michael, also 26, are from Dayton, Ohio. As far as I can tell, she doesn't work but collects pennies and quarters and buys a lottery ticket once in awhile. She calls herself a charity, and actually forces Michael (and I guess herself) to donate plasma twice a week for extra cash. Michael works in construction, and works to make Brittany happy. He's got the toughest job in the world. To get the party started, Brittany actually claims that being with Michael "feels like I'm in prison." That's sweet.

Brittany knows her Cs... crying, cussing and constant calling on her stupid cell phone. She's constantly calling and hanging up on Michael who deserves sainthood. He apologizes when he's done nothing wrong. Cleans up her mess when he has a broken finger. Excuses her behavior when she's a drunken mess. Let's her make fun of his sweet vows. (Hey, he tried.) And, listens to her as she claims the signs are not aligned and maybe they should not get married. That would be the best thing ever to happen to Michael.

Three weeks of Suzy is almost worse that three weeks of Tricia if that is possible. She's bold and brash and is constantly threatening death or pain or some sort of maiming to anyone and everyone. Just stay out of her way or face the wrath.

Suzy endears us to her right away ... again ... when she decides to wax her legs (why do all Bridezillas think we want to see them get waxed? What is that?). The truth is that she does need a good waxing (thanks WeTV), and when Suzy discovers that waxing actually hurts ... she resorts to plucking. Yes, plucking. One leg hair at a time. Buy a freakin' razor girl!

Suzy is a bride who doesn't want to be one ... she doesn't want a wedding and now claims she's not sure if she wants a marriage. As they romantically go to get their marriage certificate, with a punch or two and plenty of cussing, Suzy claims she would rather be getting a death certificate for Taylor (that's her fiance).

When Suzy is done fighting with Taylor, she moves on to her mom ... and further angers mom by mocking everything she says. Her mother doesn't help matters by resorting to name calling. Really, mom? Be the mom.

At the rehearsal dinner, the minister goes through the motions and then says ... "Kiss your bride" or as sweet Suzy says "Get you some." Nice. At the rehearsal dinner, Suzy pours ice water on best man Corey because she's sure she's not going to like his wedding toast. Turns out ... later ... it wasn't that bad.

When they are trying to finalize the seating chart, Suzy storms out (not really sure why; it was just too much to take in) and threatens to walk home and then actually starts walking. She can't believe no one is following her. Finally, here comes mom who yells and screams and threatens her so she will get in the car. She does. Where does this girl get her attitude?

Thank goodness, the wedding day arrives and our weeks of Suzy are almost over. Surprisingly, she and Taylor are smiling at the wedding. Their homemade vows are sweet on his part and sour on hers. She can't even be nice to him then. Just when you think she can't go any lower, she punches him in the gut with her heartfelt words of "I may not like you all the time."

By the way, one last thing, Suzy's wedding theme was "Ef it."

Next week, more Bridezillas.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Big Easy Brides 2011 (episode 1)

Big Easy Brides is a new show on WeTV, so I'm going to give blogging about it a try. I'm going to change my blogging habits, slowly but surely, to "relationship or wedding" shows. That's why there will be no more Jersey Shore after this year. I will continue to blog about Bridezillas, and that update will be tomorrow with Suzy, Nicole and Brittany. I'm behind in my Bridezillas blogging because of personal reasons, but I will be getting back on track this week.

Big Easy Brides is about the French Quarter Wedding Chapel in New Orleans, and their motto is "anything goes." It's open 24 hours a day and they do weddings on the fly as well as planned nuptials. It's owned by Tony Talavera (who performs the ceremonies) and his wife, Lou Ann. The staff includes the sarcastic Maria, the wedding planner; sweet Dana, the musician; the incomprehensible Gino, security guard; and the know-it-all new girl, Mia, the photographer.

The show proclaims that New Orleans is the "romance capital of the world" ... Really? Really? I was thinking Paris, but what do I know.

In this episode, we get to know (kinda) four couples. First there is Luke and Veronica, who seem very much in love and want a Small Family Wedding at the chapel. What we don't know at first is that Luke's mom is going to try to bust up the wedding because Luke and Veronica are second cousins. Ewwww! The wedding goes on, so I guess it's legal.

Then there is Damian and Biba who want a Pub Crawl Wedding. Basically, they get married en route through a bunch of bars in New Orleans. The lovely evening ends with the bride drunk and throwing up and the groom getting in a fight.

And, in the middle of the night for an immediate 2 a.m. wedding, storms in Jasmine and Michael. Jasmine really wants this to happen. However, when the wedding planner wants to take Michael in the back and help him get ready, Jasmine shows her jealous streak. And, then to make sure drunken Jasmine has a little hissy fit, Maria flirts with Michael and gets him to show off his muscles (he's a personal trainer, of course). The whole drunken group ends up getting thrown out, but I am going to blame this one on Maria.

And, finally, the wedding to end all weddings. The Trailer Park Wedding to be held, you guessed it, outside the couple's trailer in their trailer park. It's exactly like it sounds. As sweet as Selena and Bobby are, this wedding is almost indescribable. Tell me which of these things below would have given away the theme.

1. Bride has bad teeth (sorry, it's true) and is wearing a pink dress from a second-hand store. She also has on flip-flops.
2. The groom doesn't have a suit or even a nice pair of khakis.
3. The wedding is outside with lawn chairs. None of which match. Some do recline though.
4. There are two grown men sitting in kiddie pools.
5. The male guests are wearing shorts, carrying beer cans, and are really, really sweaty.
6. Female guests are actually smoking during the ceremony.
7. When the trailer park owner decides there will be no alcohol at the wedding, the 20 guests dwindle to three. One of which is just standing there. He's not even enjoying a lawn chair! I'm not sure he even knows where he is ...
8. There is a raunchy boob cake.
9. There are beer cans tied to the back of the couple's four wheeler.
10. The bride's closest friends seem to be the staff of the wedding chapel.

This show is interesting, and I may continue to blog about it. I'm not crazy about some of the staff members, but the couples could be interesting and the owners seem a little quirky. And, I always like that.

Jersey Shore 2011 - Episode 3 ... Twinning

This episode with the not-really-kids-anymore Jersey Shore gang was full of the "ick" factor. Let's recap all the trashy moments.

1. Deena tries to pick up or talk to or give her number to an Italian "Lean Cuisine" waiter at a restaurant. She's halfway successful because he shows up later at the bar where she and the rest of the gang are partying. She takes him home to cuddle, while Vinny and Pauly D try to give her some space, and the guy ends up sneaking out in the middle of the night. Running for his life.

2. After Mike (an episode back) tells Ronnie he has "hooked up" with Snooki while she was with her current boyfriend; Ronnie decides to pay him back for last season and tell Sammi and Jenni. It takes Jenni approximately five seconds to tell Snooki. Snooki denies it. Mike says it's true. I don't know. Or care. However, this is probably what will end her relationship with Jionni. Just guessing here.

3. Mike has a stalker, and it's twins. Brittany, the loose one, and Erica, supposedly the virgin. So, we see Erica go from hanging on her own sister to hugging on Mike to kissing Deena (yes, Deena). She actually ends up going home with Deena. However, Deena leaves the room for one minute, and Erica has moved on to Vinny, then back to Deena when she returns and then back to Vinny when Deena changes her mind. Every time I watch this stuff, all I can think about are the poor parents. What are they thinking? These girls are really, really sleazy. And, I'm  including Deena in that bunch.

4. Ronnie and Sammi are back together. Let the fireworks begin. And because of this hook up, Pauly D has the best line of the night ... "If you are thinking suicide over someone else's relationship, that's how bad it is."

More next week.