Monday, August 30, 2010

Bridezillas ... Alex & Melissa


Back to Alex and her bickering, twisted modern Addams Family … her brother is a young Uncle Fester and her sister looks eerily like an older version of Wednesday. However, this group is more frightening. Their next stop in reality world will probably be Jerry Springer.

As they are arranging the seating chart in her sister’s living room floor, Alex is yet to invite her sister to the wedding because she “heard” (rumors run rampant in this family) that her sister A) didn’t want to come anyway or B) might object if she was there. Her sister, Liz, disses to both of these rumors and gets a half-hearted invitation from Alex.

Then … mom says she’s not coming to the wedding because she wasn’t privy to an early viewing of the flowers. Then, mom says that Alex can’t have her wedding dress until Alex pays her for it. It was supposed to be a gift. The dress is now hostage.

When Alex calls her mother to clear this entire mess up, somehow sister Liz gets blamed for it all and mom, who is also Liz’s mom I might point out calls Liz “a word that rhymes with witch.” Her mom calls her that. On TV.

I am getting a headache at this point and having trouble following who gets to come to the wedding, who wants to come to the wedding and why anyone would care to come to the wedding.

At the rehearsal dinner, Alex is there WITH A TOWEL ON HER HEAD. Seriously. She was in a restaurant straight from the shower? She and her sister have ANOTHER fight (while the camera flashes to a weirdly smiling mom) and Liz is uninvited again.

The next day … at the wedding, the wedding party does the predictable and dances down the aisle. Everyone actually shows up; not too much drama. However, at the reception, Liz cries the entire time, Alex’s husband’s brother is drunk and when Alex’s new husband declares his love for her on the dance floor … she says, “Whatever.”



Oh my goodness. Melissa tells us that her fiancé, Chris, wears the thong while she wears the pants. OK, I like her already!

She also admits she has had her wedding planed FOREVER. She just needed a groom. Lucky Chris! Chris admits that Melissa is so opinionated that he’s not allowed to have any … and she says that “I don’t cry, I make people cry.” This is going to be fun.

Hard to believe that Melissa is in medical school, and I sure don’t want her anywhere near me or mine, when during this episode she threatened to kick someone’s butt, run over someone with her car, take out her mother’s earring and stick it in her eye, punch the lady who made her cake in the face, threaten to eat the cake lady … you get the picture.

At her bridal shower, her very thin sister is wearing a very tight dress and can’t sit very easily in it. Melissa then calls her sister “thunder thighs,” but I love this sister as she points out to Melissa, “We wear the same size.”

Melissa spends most of her time trying to control her soon-to-be husband … he should run screaming. She makes him get his eyebrows and neck waxed. Then she makes him glue tiny little rhinestones to her shoes. Then, she yells and yells and yells at him as they put together the seating chart for the wedding. He finally can’t take it anymore and tells her to do it herself. Then, he continues to do it himself.

More on this peacock-loving princess next week. (Yes, I think “peacocks” are the theme at her wedding).

Next up ... Teen Mom.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Jersey Shore .... The Letter

In this episode, right away, the gang is out partying. Not together, but still out paryting. Jenni and Snooki celebrate "gay pride" in Miami and Snooki calls her boyfriend, Emilio, when she gets home to tell him all about it. "I met some gay friends," she tells him. He does not want to hear about; they have a fight and then break up. She tells him, "I wish you would have told me who you were before I fell in love with you." OK, but logic tells the rest of the world that you usually get to know someone before you fall in love.

And, to seal the deal on the end of the love affair, she burns all his photos. That's that.

Now, the guys are out partying and end up back at the house with four girls ... three they chose and one who is a friend of one of the "hot girls." Mike sweetly calls the friend a "hippo." This is The Situation we love to hate. The guys come up with a plan to separate the first two girls (one for Vinny and one for Pauly D. ... they absolutely don't care who they end up with which is really messed up) ... and then Mike extracts the hot girl from the room where the hippo is falling asleep, puts the hippo to bed and leaves "the grenade" to blow up all by herself. This girl is the lucky one. They all end up in bed, each with a girl, and Mike's girl's name is "Kristen or Christine" ... he doesn't remember and doesn't care.

I'd be so proud if I was the mother of one of these girls. Used is not even the right term; they probably should just have been paid for their services.

Next day, the guys make dinner. Prior to that, the guys go shopping and leave the girls home alone. Angela is supposed to clean the kitchen, but she does not do it. Mike comes back, gets mad and calls her a "dirty mess" and then oh-so-kindly encourages her to hit the gym.

Mike, the softee (except when it comes to grenades, hippos, hyenas and women he is sleeping with), apologizes and all is well.

Jenni and Snooki decide to hide the note/letter they wrote to Sammi about Ronnie's wondering ways in her sock drawer or something. They just want her to know. Sammi finds the note and then confronts each roommate one by one trying to find out 1) who wrote it and 2) is it true? In the note, Ronnie is accused of getting phone numbers, picking up fat girls, etc. Sammi, finally showing a hint of a brain, realizes the guys are not going to rat out Ronnie. Vinny and Pauly D defend him saying they know nothing and saw nothing and Vinny warns Ronnie about the note.

When Sammi confronts Ronnie, he admits to getting a phone number but nothing else. He reads the letter and immediately knows it is Jenni and Snooki. He really thinks the note is from Jenni because the note uses the word "wisely" and he doesn't believe that word is in Snooki's vocabulary. Funny.

When Jenni, Snooki and Mike get home and actually read the letter, Mike thinks it is hilarious and basically tells Sammi it's all true.

Then, Sammi and Ronnie fight again (are you bored yet?) and she cries and then breaks up with him. He's sad about it until he turns around and leaves her room. Two seconds later, he's on the phone calling some "hometown honey" to come visit him in Miami.

"I'm so sick of this," says Ronnie. So are we.

Favorite Quote: From Snooki ... "Sympathetic ... the word of the day ... that's a big word."

Sammi: This girl really loves Ronnie. I feel for her, and I do not believe she is acting.

What I'm Wondering: What does DTF stand for?

AND: If these guys weren't so YUCK, they might be OK cause they can cook and they clean house. However, they are really sleazy ....

The Girls in General: Seem all right and are not out picking up strange men or anything disgusting ... yet. Sammi basically stays home and cries all the time. Angela follows the guys around like a lost puppy. Jenni and Snooki go out, but they go out to eat or to shop ... they look fairly tame this year.

Next up ... Bridezillas.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Bridezillas on the Loose


Alex & Stephanie


You learn all you need to know about Alex, the 22-year-old loon with the even crazier family, in the first five minutes of the show. She made her poor, and maybe somewhat dimwitted, fiancé propose multiple times until he got it right. Oh Lord.

Alex is spoiled and selfish and wants her dream wedding even though they DO NOT have the money to finance it. She once again forces her fiancé to figure it out. So what does he do to pay for her extravagant needs? Takes out advances on his paycheck. Rent and food be damned. The girl needs flowers!

Speaking of flowers, Alex decides there is one way to streamline their budget … take a look at the who is getting flowers at the dream wedding. Sorry, stepmom. No flowers for you. And, she just saved poor Brian about $20! No wait, with this budget trick she just pulled, she can add more flowers to her own bridal bouquet. Sorry, Brian, back to the poorhouse.

Alex takes herself, her Section 8 mother and her screwball sister, Liz, along with a dozen or so of her favorite crackpots on the bachelorette busride from hell. During this ride, Alex’s sister, Liz, accidentally sits on Aex’s tiara. I’m waiting for Alex to put the sister’s head on a butcher block, but surprisingly enough, she’s fine with it. Mom however, tries to stir up trouble, so she tells a blatant lie to Liz that “people are saying” she did it on purpose. What people? For some unknown reason (maybe because it might get mom some air time??), mom does not want this to be an accident. So, there’s a fight and a lot of cussing and whatever.

Then, still on this nightmare busride, Alex’s sister, Liz, starts crying hysterically when one of the girls tries to show her a picture of her baby. Why? Because her brother used to date this girl, and they broke up. Again, why the tears? Then, we find out, Alex’s brother is kinda sleazy and has dated half the party bus, so why this one little baby picture is upsetting to Alex’s sister … we’ll never know.

I’m starting to believe Alex that her sister likes to start drama and wants to be the center of attention. Same with her mom.

The next day, Liz’s brother, Sean, shows up to confront everyone. Seems staged. Hmmmm ….

Enough of them.


I like Stephanie’s fiancé, DeBoris. As Stephanie is micromanaging everyone, he’s just a nice, normal guy. She keeps telling everyone to “Be on time” to the rehearsal dinner. We know why she is worried, almost everyone in the wedding party lives in Miami, but the wedding is in Orlando.

First up, the videographer can’t get a ride to the wedding. What kind of professional doesn’t have a car? I don’t understand.

Then, the day of the rehearsal dinner and two hours prior to the event, DeBoris tells Stephanie he is still in Miami. Hasn’t even left yet. She’s crying and upset, and he doesn’t even apologize. I’m feeling sorry for her. She goes to the rehearsal dinner without him and …lo and behold … there he is … with roses even. Gotta like this guy.

They get married, finally, with the vows they wrote themselves. A marriage made for TV.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Jersey Shore ... Breakin Up

Jersey Shore

OK, Sammi is done with Ronnie. Wait, that was the last episode. Wait, that was 10 minutes ago. She's done with him after he calls her a name. She's done with him after he leaves her begging on the side of the road. She's done with him after she stays home waiting for him, and he's out partying with the guys. Every time, she forgives him and confesses her love later. She admits she's happier with him than without him. I just feel bad for her. He is not worth it.

At one point, the group goes to a club and Ronnie, as is the norm this season, gets very, very drunk. Sammi plays the good friend and helps him home, gets him to go bed, puts a pot (why a pot, get a wastebasket girl!) by his bed and takes care of him. We watch him stumble around, do a face plant in a beanbag chair, and even get to hear him throw up (thanks MTV) ... Sammi helps him through it all. She confesses that she has "never seen anyone so wasted." Really? Isn't this her second season on this show?

So, in this episode .... we're forced to watch Ronnie drink again, Ronnie fight with Sammi, and Ronnie act a fool. Just like last episode. It's almost, not almost, IS, agonizing to watch Sammi suffer. She loves Ronnie and he probably loves her in some weird as-much-as-he-is-capable-of way.

At one point, the long-suffering Sammi tells Ronnie it was a "test" when he went out with his friends. She told him she said he could just to see if he would! Did she just meet him? Or does she know any guys his age? Ronnie laughs later and says he doesn't like tests and that's why he didn't go to college. Let's be real ... that ain't why the boy didn't go to college.

Everyone in the house knows that Ronnie is not treating Sammi right, and for some reason, they think Angelina should tell her. Not getting that. When Sammi is watching this show right now, she may be mad at everyone ... but she should just be mad at Ronnie. He looks bad, not her. He's easily my least favorite of the bunch. And Angelina is on the show. And, I'm afraid of Jenni.

Snooki and Jenni are struggling with what to tell Sammi so Jenni has a "genius idea" ... an anonymous letter! No one will ever guess they wrote it. They go to a Cafe and, as the English majors that they are, start composing. My daughter immediately noticed ... "they used plural instead of possessive for waitress" ... she's 17. I guess they should stick to their day jobs ... uhh ... Anyway, we don't see them give the letter to Sammi ... next episode.

Snooki was at her best in this episode. In the first five minutes, she's in several screaming fights with her boyfriend on the telephone and then she says that men just don't know how to talk to or treat women and gives us her take on statistics .... "that's why the lesbian rate keeps going up in this country." Classic.

As in the last episode, the guys (never the girls and I am all about that) try to cook again. And, as in the last episode, dinner ends up on the floor. However, they make the best of it and dinner ends up on the table. After dinner, they decide on some weird game of 20 questions and the girls want to dress "sexy" for the game. OK, I'm old and I don't get it! Somebody help me here. Angelina once again can't get it quite right and overdoes the sexy outfit, and gives Vinny the chance to show off the line "Victoria should have kept that a secret."

Favorite Moment: These guys don't like smart girls, so if you are in college, forget it. Some law students (cute girls) came in the gelato shop and the guys weren't interested in because those girls were studying for finals. You better fail your ACT or some damn IQ test if you want to date these guys and they mean it!

Why Does Mike Seem Like The Adult? The entire cast is so moronic, especially Ronnie and the girls, that Mike actually seems like the adult here. He's almost tolerable.

Next up, I think Hoarding and Bridezillas ...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Teen Mom ... First Look

Teen Mom ... Secrets & Lies


In this episode, Maci is pursuing a relationship with Kyle, who she wants to have as her boyfriend, and in the same weekend, make him her baby’s daddy. Within 30 minutes of introducing her son to Kyle, she’s then forcing Bentley to give Kyle a kiss. Noooo. Don’t do it Maci….. Yes … Replay correct, she did force the kiss.
By the time the weekend with Kyle is over, she’s made them cuddle and poor put-upon Kyle has even had to change a diaper. Both Kyle and I are feeling the pressure to make this relationship … with Bentley … work. Forget Maci. That relationship seems secondary at this point.

Tyler & Catelynn

Now, why are they on this show again? She got pregnant. They gave the baby up for adoption and although it was a smart and selfless move, they are not parents. I’m bored with their teenage jealousy crap. She called her ex-boyfriend six times, and he wants the phone records to prove it! They argue. Text stupid things to each other. She cries. Asks for a hug. No way. Text again. Finally, the ripping up of the phone records and, as befits the teens they are, the littering (see mention of phone records). Yawn.


Farrah seems completely hapless. In the first scene, she’s organized a pathetic indoor Easter egg hunt for baby Sophia, sucked up and burned her living room curtains with her vacuum, and can’t figure out how to write a check. Then, to top it off, she wants to sell her car online and ends up getting taken for $3,000! Happy birthday to me!

I know but I know but I know that the producers and the cameramen and whoever was watching poor Farrah get scammed by the oldest scam in the book out of $3,000 had to have told her … DON’T DO IT. Really? They just let it happen? Do these girls get paid for this show? Farrah sold her car online for $5,000 and the “scammer” sent her a check for $8,000 and then had her wire him/her $3,000 from her own account to “ship”’ the car. Of course the check bounced and her money was gone. Her anxiety over the loss seemed real. While she’s on the phone to her bank trying to get her head around what just happened, her baby falls off the bed.

If anyone needs help, it’s Farrah.

Amber & Gary

I’m happy now. Gary wore a bunny suit for part of an episode. I don’t really have to explain the irony in that, do I? Amber tells him that she can’t talk to him while he’s wearing that “freakin’ getup” but there’s so many other issues that come to mind as Gary hops … then lays … around as Peter Cottontail.

Amber and Gary head to his mom’s house for Easter lunch, but there’s an argument and Amber leaves and walks home. Gary and baby Leah end up spending the night at his mom’s house after he kinda accuses Amber of being lazy. Pot meet kettle.

Amber is whiny and demanding and kinda lazy. Gary is lazy and worthless and jobless. I hope they stay together because I would hate for anyone else in the world to have to be with either one of them. Come on you two, work it out!

By the end of the show, it was all hugs and kisses between the couples.

Now, going back to the Jersey Shore in the next blog.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Hoarding and Bridezillas ... I watched both!

Hoarding: Buried Alive on TLC … Robbing the Kids

Margaret and Laura.

Margaret is a married mother of a 20-year-old and is a typical hoarder ... and in typical hoarder fashion … she saves everything whether it’s broken or useless. The sad thing is that her poor son is the former and her husband is the latter … maybe from all the hoarding.

As a “normal” hoarder, Margaret can’t throw anything away, and even when she does have help … she must touch or see everything before it leaves her home. The process is agonizing for everyone and painfully slow. She says she wants to “fix it,” but she seems to derail the process every chance she gets.

For example, there is a broken microwave in her kitchen (underneath several other microwaves that may or may not work … not really clear) … and she tells her husband she wants to get rid of it. He’s thrilled. I’m thrilled. We’re making progress. Then she gives him explicit directions on how to move the microwave from the kitchen through the mounds of crap to get it outside. She reminds him not to touch or bump or move anything. She begins to “clear” the way for him to move the microwave. And by clearing the way, I mean moving junk in his way so he can’t move the microwave out of the house. She then gets frustrated at HIM because he’s moving it too fast, stuff is in the way, HE’S not listening, and on and on.

I don’t know what happened to the microwave.

Next thing you know, the “show” tells us that the family is making progress and Margaret is moving things out and the family can now eat at the kitchen table. Whatever. It still doesn’t look good to me.

Laura, the other “hoarder” featured on the show has three little kids and a husband and supposedly has suffered from postpartum depression. After watching numerous “hoarders,” I think Laura is on the wrong show … she should be on that messiest home show or the Biggest Loser or something like that. This lady doesn’t seem like a hoarder to me … she just seems sluggish, unorganized and overwhelmed.

Her house is quickly cleaned up and her husband goes from “hopeless” to “happy” pretty fast. Her parents were there to help, she had an organizer, she has a husband … I’m not giving her the “hoarder” label … maybe packrat. Definitely lazy.

Bridezillas … Kendall & Stephanie

On Bridezillas this week, we had really sweet brides compared to some of the train wrecks I’ve seen on this show.

Stephanie was a 26-year-old bossy perfectionist who was planning a royalty-themed wedding because she is a “queen.” Whatever.

Stephanie’s poor groom-to-be was pulling double shifts at his job to help pay for her wedding. I just felt sorry for the poor guy for so many reasons. The funniest thing about Stephanie is that she was having her bridesmaids pulling double duty at the wedding … you are a bridesmaid AND the backup florist. You are a bridesmaid AND the caterer.

Kendall was the other featured bride-to-be … a 23-year-old whiner who just couldn’t get enough attention. When she was having her trial run for her “hair” or something prior to the wedding, she was demanding that her bridesmaids all join her and no excuse would work on why they couldn’t be by her side through every “moment” … work, sick kids, holidays … she accepted none of it.

At Kendall’s actual ceremony, she had the lamest DJ ever … and we all knew it. OMG, he played the Electric Slide when she had forbidden it!

Interesting things about these brides:
1. They seem to have a plethora of bridesmaids because as soon as one pisses them off … off with their heads and on to the next one!
2. The F bomb. Really? At church?
3. They hate their sisters and their best friends.
4. They have no money. They have no taste.
5. Crying is always acceptable.
6. Men will put up with a lot for love.

Next up … Teen Mom I believe. Can’t wait to see what Gary does next.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Jersey Shore ... First Up

Jersey Shore ... who would have thought? I didn't watch it regularly last season, but I did catch a few episodes. Here's how I understand this show. Four girls (Snooki, Jenni, Sammi and Angelina) and four guys (Mike, Pauly D., Vinny and Ronnie) were picked by MTV to live (and work) in a house in Seaside Heights on the Jersey Shore while cameras followed them around. Angelina left the house mid-season because either she didn't want to work at the tshirt shop or wanted to be with her married boyfriend. Not sure which. The show, surprisingly, was a huge hit for MTV. Teenagers and twenty-somethings loved to watch this group of twenty-somethings get drunk and make complete jerks of themselves. They get in fights for no reason. Say the dumbest things. "I'm not trashy. Unless I'm drunk." And, there was a love story. Gotta have that. Sammi and Ronnie fell in love, and it lasted all of two months at the Jersey shore.

Now, the show is back, but this time they are in Miami. (I'm having a hard time understanding Jersey Shore in Miami but whatever ...) They again have jobs. This time at a gelato shop. However, once again the point of the show is to watch them go to clubs, make a mess of the house, argue with each other, argue with other people, use profanity, get in the hot tub, watch them all dance and the guys avoid the grenades (ugly girls). The show has launched a whole new set of terms that I'm having to learn.

Does this show have any redeeming value to society at all? No. Are there any lessons to be learned from this show? No. Is there a point to this show? No. Would you want your daughter to date Pauly D or Mike or Vinny? No. Would you would want your son to bring Snooki or Jenni home? Absolutely not. Would you want your daughter or son or dog anywhere near Ronnie? No.

Why do people watch it? To get a laugh. My daughter says it's because she doesn't really know anyone like these people. They are cartoon characters. They are a freak show. Having said that that ... they are not evil. They are just stupid.

OK, the first three episodes have basically focused on the fact that Angelina's baaaaack (and nobody likes her and nobody wants to be her friend and she's annoying as hell), and that Ronnie is playing Sammi for a fool. He's getting drunk and sloppy with every girl in sight at the clubs while Sammi waits patiently in bed (seriously, does the girl ever get up?) at the house. He looks like a pig, and she looks pathetic. You know this ain't gonna end well.

Mike actually is coming off as the nice guy ... actually seeming to feel a little sorry for Angelina because the girls have dismissed her until episode 3. Snooki hasn't found her moment yet. They were the break-out stars last season, so we'll see what happens. Jenni is scary but a little boring so far .... This season, Angelina and Ronnie are playing the fools, and the shows have been focused on them with both of them getting so drunk they can't remember the nights before ... Ronnie can't seem to remember his grenade-chasing and Angelina can't remember her assault on Pauly D. She says she can't anyway.

Favorite Moment So Far (episode 3/Creepin): When Pauly D, Mike and Vinny left Angelina behind at the house when she turned her back for one moment. They really didn't want her to go with them when they went to the club.

Most Cringe-Worthy Moment (episode 3/Creepin): When Mike referred to the girl that Pauly D. was cozying up to in the hot tub as a "hyena" and the rest of the girls they had brought to the house as being from the "Bronx Zoo." Ouch.

Favorite Quote (episode 1/Goin South): Comes from Snooki. "I don't go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. I feel like he did it intentionally for us like McCain would never put a tax on tanning because he is pale and probably would wanna be tanned." Take that Obama, she knows who you are.

The OMG Really? Moment (all episodes all the time): Jenni and her "girls" as she calls them. Where did she buy those things? And, she should get her money back. It's not a good look for her or anyone else. They don't look or act real. Where's her mother or her boyfriend or just an honest production crew member when she needs one?

More on Jersey Shore next week. This was a "catch up" post. Tomorrow Hoarders from TLC ...

Friday, August 13, 2010

New Focus, New Blogs

Freedom! A year or so ago, I decided to start blogging and picked a subject I knew a lot about but a subject that didn't want to be "subjected" ... my children. So, I didn't blog much. They didn't like it, and I found myself a little bored with blogging. I was afraid to say too much.

Now, I'm changing my tune. I'm going to start blogging about something that my friends and I all find interesting ... reality TV. Not all the shows, but the shows that I personally watch. You won't find a play-by-play here but rather a running commentary on what this idiot said or that hoarder buried or what some poor wig-wearing 4-year-old was forced to mimic.

So, what shows might you read about here? Toddlers and Tiaras. Bridezillas. Hoarders ... whichever one is on and whichever one I am watching. The Hoarders show with the animal hoarders (it smells funny). Intervention (sometimes). Jersey Shore. Teen Mom. Maybe The Bachelor Pad ... although I haven't watched that one yet. I might even make a comment now and then on Say Yes To The Dress just because I love it ... but it's not really crazy, ridiculous TV.

You will read (as I shamelessly steal from Joel McHale) my Reality Show "Dip" of the Week each week. My favorite Reality Show moments of the week. And just general comments on who's interesting, funny, dangerous, outrageous and possibly contagious.

Keep reading. Tomorrow it's Jersey Shore.