The Bachelorette (Emily Maynard) June 18, 2012

They are in Croatia. 

I know this city is old. I know it has history. I just don’t see it as romantic. Maybe it’s just me.

Emily is in a mood. No more playing. Step up or be stepped on. She wants a husband! Her one-on-one dates this time around are for real … and the first guy on the chopping block is sweet, funny Travis. They go “exploring” Croatia. They get ice cream. Emily picks pistachio … ahhh, I should have known. They have a silly, horrible date. And, Travis gets sent packing. He cries because it hurts. Don’t cry, dude. He was in the “friend zone,” but he is a good guy … there is a girl for him … lots of girls out there now.

On the group date … it’s John, Doug, Sean, Jef, Chris and Arie, and they go so the children’s movie Brave … there’s never been a more shameless plug except maybe Diet Coke or Ford on American Idol. I know this is NOT the movie these guys would have picked.

Then they play the “highland games” and they all get to wear kilts. “You know what the difference is between a skirt and a kilt,” says Sean. “Nothing.”

Chris sucks at all the events. Has bad form when shooting the bow and arrow. Goes first at the “log toss” but can’t throw it. And challenges his bigger and badder rival, Doug, to the “pull” thing and loses. All as a good sport.

Sean, however, is an athlete and shows his stuff. Emily thinks he’s hot.

Chris, however, wins the “bravery cup” for putting it all on the line and laughing it off.

During the evening group date, Emily spends time alone with each guy and ….

• Basically tells Sean to “hang in there” as if there’s something we all don’t know.\
• Makes out with Arie.
• Gets a word-lashing from Jef with “we could have the kind of love that people write novels about” or some such nonsense. And then Emily wonders out loud to Jen what took him so long to kiss her. She wants aggressive, in-your-face men. That’s why she likes Arie.
• But Chris, one of my faves, gets the group date rose. Take that, Arie, you kissin’ freak!

Then, the next one-on-one date is with the charmer, Ryan. They have chemistry. They have a fun day. They laugh. She smiles showing off her beautiful (capped?) teeth.  They have easy conversations. Ryan wonders if she is the woman God has chosen for him.

But, he blows it at the dinner. He reads her a list of all the things he wants in a wife after dinner, probably thinking she fits the bill. It includes stuff like … loyalty, confident, faithful, unselfish, encourager, assertive … all things that benefit him. However, it doesn’t include the one thing that would be at the top of Emily’s list “a loving family.” Ah oh, Ryan.

She likes him but she doesn’t give him the rose. Surprisingly, he almost … but not quite … makes her rethink it. She stands her ground. Wow. She’s tougher than I thought.

He handles it better than I thought. Takes the blow fairly gracefully, and he’s gone.

Then, later … Arie, the snake … makes a trip to Emily’s hotel to tell her she made the right decision (nice work, Arie, warning her AFTER Ryan has left the building), kiss her a few dozen times, and sit on her bed. Yuck! I really do not like this guy.

At the rose ceremony, John and Doug are on the bubble. John wins her over by pulling out the big guns … funeral cards of his grandparents that he keeps in his wallet. He was just waiting for the right moment …

And, Doug, he’s so awkward, but I like him. He’s just so so nervous around her, but I think she wants a very, or somewhat aggressive, guy. He’s not the one.

However, both of their heads are saved from chopping block as everyone gets a rose.

More next week.

The Bachelorette (Emily Maynard) June 11, 2012

And then there were 10.

Plus Emily. Plus Ricki. Plus Chris.

Even Chris Harrison is now saying it. The word that usually scares most men. Not these guys. Not these bachelors. They want the title. Husband. Emily wants a husband. Emily wants a husband! She says that more than she says love. Or companion. Or friend. Or marriage. 

Emily has a one-track mind.  She’s not a modern woman. She’s not an interesting woman. She doesn’t have a career as far as I can tell (being on reality shows to find a husband is not a career!) I really don’t see what the guys see in her except a ticket to being The Bachelor. Poor Emily. She’s a pretty, very simple, very boring, girl. I am struggling to stay awake, struggling to appear slightly interested, wondering if the reality world cares if we bloggers document this season at all.

My boyfriend even says Emily is hot but oh-so-boring. I make him watch this show with me every week and he still likes me. He’s a good guy.

Anyway ….

Her first one-on-one date is with Sean. He really is a great guy. Seems genuine. Emily says “good guys that look like you are usually boring.” Wow, the same could be said of her, and it would be TRUE. On their evening date, Emily calls him “marriage material,” which doesn’t sound good for Sean. I like him enough that I don’t want him to win. He thinks love could be there. However, Emily is not looking for love, she’s looking for a husband. Get that through your thick meatheads, guys.

Sean gets a rose.

On the group date, the guys are required to perform Shakespeare. Some get to play Romeo (including Ryan) and some get to play the nurse (like Arie and Doug). Travis shows his funny side, “Shakespeare is huge in Mississippi.” The outfit that Ryan is wearing during the rehearsals should have been sent home. What is with the scarf?

They perform in front of an audience, and they all get the laughs. Doug and Arie show their feminine sides. Arie has a wig. Doug gets a hat. Kalon is too serious. Emily is a terrible actress. Doug and Travis have some fun. John gets a kiss from one of the guys and gives it a “two out of three because it was wet and warm but a little rough.” Arie, surprising, is a little nervous. Ryan is excited … because he gets to kiss Emily.

Later, they are in the pub. And, Arie … true to form … is kissing Emily in about two seconds. Then, Ryan, gets her alone. And, Emily, tells him he is “trouble.” Ryan says, “When a girl tells you that you are trouble and then smiles when she says it, she usually wants to get in trouble.” He gives her a necklace, and a kiss. Emily is falling for his act. He is a charmer. I hope they end up together.

Kalon, who is a joke, says Emily has “baggage” referring to her daughter. Doug tells Emily. So …. Kalon gets to go home. He doesn’t seem too upset, although Emily is very upset.  Kalon reiterates that her having a child is a responsibility, and she says it is a “blessing.” I, as a mother, say it is both. Emily is a little unreasonable. Having children is a responsibility and she is unrealistic if she doesn’t see it as such. 

He tries to talk. She won’t let him (as he did this to her earlier …  so good for her.)  Kalon acknowledges he is not the right guy for her.

Emily is mad because no one told her about Kalon saying that Ricki was baggage. However, Doug did tell her. I don’t get it.

No one on the group date gets a rose.

Final one-on-one date is with Jef. They have annoying tea lessons, then dinner at a pub. Then dessert up high in some tower thing. Jef talks too much, but he tells Emily he wants a partner in life. Unconditional love. One and on. He is definitely trying to win her attention.

Jef gets a rose.

Emily gives everyone the third degree at the rose ceremony. Wants to know who has her back. Eventually, Doug, Ryan, Chris, John, Travis and Arie get roses. Alejandro gets sent home. Finally, it's over. I was so glad!

More next week.

The Bachelorette (Emily Maynard) June 4, 2012

Sorry so late on the recap. No excuses. Just a busy, busy work week.

They are in Bermuda and, to me, it doesn't suit Emily. Take her back down South, please. Is it cold there? She always seems to need a sweater.

First date is a one-on-one with the perfect guy, Doug. The problem with Doug that Emily has yet to see is he is just a little touchy, a little thin-skinned. But hey, if that is the worst of his faults ... He's OK. She likes him; and on their date they did "what married couples do" on vacation, says Emily, and Doug is cool with it. Shopping, walking, sending postcards home. She even sent a postcard to his son. Nice, Emily. They also walked through the "moongate" where couples can make a wish. Emily's wish was "I won't be single forever." This girl has a one-track mind. Does she even have a job or a career or any other thoughts other than HUSBAND, HUSBAND, HUSBAND.

By the way, no kiss for Doug. He likes to take it slow. Good for him.

Second date was a group date.The guys were broken up into teams and had to race a freakin' boat (not a sailor among them) for a win and an evening with Emily. The team that won included Arie, Ryan, Jef and Kalon. On the evening date, Arie steals Emily away immediately and starts putting on the moves. I'm not sure they talked much. That's the relationship with Arie ... mutual attraction and lots of smooching. The time alone with Jef seemed a little awkward, and he's a little shy, but she likes him. I actually like him, too. He seems very normal despite the hair. Not much going on with Kalon. But Ryan, oh boy, goes for the jugular, and judges Emily for the kisses with Arie and tells her to her face. At least he's honest. But, I would bet, if he were the bachelor, he would have kissed many a girl at this point in the "competition." He's a snake.

And, by the way, Jef gets the group date rose.

Now, I've judged Emily for kissing the guys, but I personally don't like it when "The Bachelor" does it either. I just think it makes it awkward for the eventual winner. However, the eventual winner always ends up a loser so I don't think it really matters if I am really honest.

The two-on-one date is with John and Nate, and it is AWKWARD. Nate ends up going home when he shows his softer side and gets a little teary when talking about his family. Emily doesn't want a boy; she wants a man. That explains why Ryan is still around. She likes it a little rough.

At the end of the evening, Michael goes home as does Charlie (no roses for them). Do you even remember them? I think they were both too nice for Emily. I think the eventual winner will be aggressive with Emily, but also a nice guy. That means it is looking good for Sean and Arie.

SPOILER:

I think it's Kalon who gets the early boot tomorrow night after referring to Emily's daughter as "baggage." As a mom with children of my own, I can imagine how overwhelmingly infuriated a mom would be at that reference. He doesn't deserve her or anyone else. I can't wait until he has kids of his own and realizes how stupid that comment really was ... What an idiot.

More after tomorrow night. Earlier I promise.