Monday, August 22, 2011

Bridezillas - Suzy & Nicole; Suzy & Brittany

Sorry, it's been two weeks again so I have to do double duty on my recaps. Personal stuff you know. Now down to business.

Nicole and her reluctant fiance, Mike, are from Loma Linda, Calif. Nicole is a whiner who is in need of attention. The good news is that she is on Bridezillas, and the bad news is that no one who actually really knows her wants to pay any attention to her. Take note that out of the 18 invitees to her bachelorette party, only five showed. And, of those five, no one wanted to stay out late and party with the girl. Her maid of honor, Ashley, is a brave soul and let this silly diva know that ... yes, it's her. Nothing else.

To get what she wants, Ashley whines and cries and whines some more. Case in point. She didn't have enough money to pay for the wedding hall or something so her coordinator forks out the bucks when Ashley whines, acts like a baby, cries fake tears, and whines some more.

The worst thing about Nicole ... she needs her back waxed. That's "Soup Gold" right there. She even wonders why she did it .. it hurt and Mike doesn't seem to mind! After the back waxing, Mike is called to pick her up, and he is tired of her crap. He starts questioning if he even wants to get married. He is sick of her nagging and whining and tells her so. Her response? The price you pay for marrying her. She definitely knows how to entice her man.

At the wedding, Mike shows up, but this guy looks scared to death. He says he feels sick. Mike, I got news for you, you shouldn't marry someone unless you really, really want to do it. You seem reluctant at best.

The marriage happens, and Nicole actually looks pretty when she smiles. Finally. Mike, still wide-eyed from what just happened ... says ...  "I'm trying to do the least amount of thinking as possible." Well, Mike, you and  Nicole will now have something in common.

Brittany, 26, and her sadly sweet fiance, Michael, also 26, are from Dayton, Ohio. As far as I can tell, she doesn't work but collects pennies and quarters and buys a lottery ticket once in awhile. She calls herself a charity, and actually forces Michael (and I guess herself) to donate plasma twice a week for extra cash. Michael works in construction, and works to make Brittany happy. He's got the toughest job in the world. To get the party started, Brittany actually claims that being with Michael "feels like I'm in prison." That's sweet.

Brittany knows her Cs... crying, cussing and constant calling on her stupid cell phone. She's constantly calling and hanging up on Michael who deserves sainthood. He apologizes when he's done nothing wrong. Cleans up her mess when he has a broken finger. Excuses her behavior when she's a drunken mess. Let's her make fun of his sweet vows. (Hey, he tried.) And, listens to her as she claims the signs are not aligned and maybe they should not get married. That would be the best thing ever to happen to Michael.

Three weeks of Suzy is almost worse that three weeks of Tricia if that is possible. She's bold and brash and is constantly threatening death or pain or some sort of maiming to anyone and everyone. Just stay out of her way or face the wrath.

Suzy endears us to her right away ... again ... when she decides to wax her legs (why do all Bridezillas think we want to see them get waxed? What is that?). The truth is that she does need a good waxing (thanks WeTV), and when Suzy discovers that waxing actually hurts ... she resorts to plucking. Yes, plucking. One leg hair at a time. Buy a freakin' razor girl!

Suzy is a bride who doesn't want to be one ... she doesn't want a wedding and now claims she's not sure if she wants a marriage. As they romantically go to get their marriage certificate, with a punch or two and plenty of cussing, Suzy claims she would rather be getting a death certificate for Taylor (that's her fiance).

When Suzy is done fighting with Taylor, she moves on to her mom ... and further angers mom by mocking everything she says. Her mother doesn't help matters by resorting to name calling. Really, mom? Be the mom.

At the rehearsal dinner, the minister goes through the motions and then says ... "Kiss your bride" or as sweet Suzy says "Get you some." Nice. At the rehearsal dinner, Suzy pours ice water on best man Corey because she's sure she's not going to like his wedding toast. Turns out ... later ... it wasn't that bad.

When they are trying to finalize the seating chart, Suzy storms out (not really sure why; it was just too much to take in) and threatens to walk home and then actually starts walking. She can't believe no one is following her. Finally, here comes mom who yells and screams and threatens her so she will get in the car. She does. Where does this girl get her attitude?

Thank goodness, the wedding day arrives and our weeks of Suzy are almost over. Surprisingly, she and Taylor are smiling at the wedding. Their homemade vows are sweet on his part and sour on hers. She can't even be nice to him then. Just when you think she can't go any lower, she punches him in the gut with her heartfelt words of "I may not like you all the time."

By the way, one last thing, Suzy's wedding theme was "Ef it."

Next week, more Bridezillas.

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