Alex
Back to Alex and her bickering, twisted modern Addams Family … her brother is a young Uncle Fester and her sister looks eerily like an older version of Wednesday. However, this group is more frightening. Their next stop in reality world will probably be Jerry Springer.
As they are arranging the seating chart in her sister’s living room floor, Alex is yet to invite her sister to the wedding because she “heard” (rumors run rampant in this family) that her sister A) didn’t want to come anyway or B) might object if she was there. Her sister, Liz, disses to both of these rumors and gets a half-hearted invitation from Alex.
Then … mom says she’s not coming to the wedding because she wasn’t privy to an early viewing of the flowers. Then, mom says that Alex can’t have her wedding dress until Alex pays her for it. It was supposed to be a gift. The dress is now hostage.
When Alex calls her mother to clear this entire mess up, somehow sister Liz gets blamed for it all and mom, who is also Liz’s mom I might point out calls Liz “a word that rhymes with witch.” Her mom calls her that. On TV.
I am getting a headache at this point and having trouble following who gets to come to the wedding, who wants to come to the wedding and why anyone would care to come to the wedding.
At the rehearsal dinner, Alex is there WITH A TOWEL ON HER HEAD. Seriously. She was in a restaurant straight from the shower? She and her sister have ANOTHER fight (while the camera flashes to a weirdly smiling mom) and Liz is uninvited again.
The next day … at the wedding, the wedding party does the predictable and dances down the aisle. Everyone actually shows up; not too much drama. However, at the reception, Liz cries the entire time, Alex’s husband’s brother is drunk and when Alex’s new husband declares his love for her on the dance floor … she says, “Whatever.”
Exactly.
Melissa
Oh my goodness. Melissa tells us that her fiancé, Chris, wears the thong while she wears the pants. OK, I like her already!
She also admits she has had her wedding planed FOREVER. She just needed a groom. Lucky Chris! Chris admits that Melissa is so opinionated that he’s not allowed to have any … and she says that “I don’t cry, I make people cry.” This is going to be fun.
Hard to believe that Melissa is in medical school, and I sure don’t want her anywhere near me or mine, when during this episode she threatened to kick someone’s butt, run over someone with her car, take out her mother’s earring and stick it in her eye, punch the lady who made her cake in the face, threaten to eat the cake lady … you get the picture.
At her bridal shower, her very thin sister is wearing a very tight dress and can’t sit very easily in it. Melissa then calls her sister “thunder thighs,” but I love this sister as she points out to Melissa, “We wear the same size.”
Melissa spends most of her time trying to control her soon-to-be husband … he should run screaming. She makes him get his eyebrows and neck waxed. Then she makes him glue tiny little rhinestones to her shoes. Then, she yells and yells and yells at him as they put together the seating chart for the wedding. He finally can’t take it anymore and tells her to do it herself. Then, he continues to do it himself.
More on this peacock-loving princess next week. (Yes, I think “peacocks” are the theme at her wedding).
Next up ... Teen Mom.
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