Jersey Shore "Where is my boyfriend?"

Snooki and Deena were hauled off to jail after rear-ending a police car, but they were released with just a fine and … now …. No license for Snooki. They lost the only other driver who kinda knew  how to drink a stick shift.

So, we’re waiting on the arrival of Snooki’s boyfriend, Jionni, from Jersey. Roger, Jenni’s boyfriend, can’t get off work so no trip to Italy for him. Because Jenni is upset, the girls decide a night out is what Jenni needs. Just the girls … so Jenni, Sammi and Deena hit the bars. They guys also head out on the town, and decide to bring home some new friends.

However, in the meantime … our little meatball is home waiting on Jionni. And, just to spice up the evening ... Mike’s little stalker, Brittany, shows up. Snooki puts her in Mike’s bed for a skanky little surprise for Mike. Then Mike brings Girl From Club home. However, a bird in the hand is worth two in the … so Mike sends Girl From Club home.

Finally, Jionni arrives and Snooki seems beyond happy. However, when they head out to the club and she gets drunk and does a little “sexy dance” and shows her booty … Jionni has had enough.  He storms off into the night. So after only about six hours in Italy … about three of which he is roaming the streets of Florence … he hits the door leaving Snooki to cry in her pillow.  “See ya. You’re single” were his final words to the tear-covered Snooki.

What’s weird about this is that … the girls seem to be more on Jionni’s side and the boys seem to be on Snooki’s side. However, would they want their girlfriend behaving like that? Think Ronnie? Would you? Think Vinnie … really? We all know if Snooki wants to have a serious relationship, she better learn to curb her drinking just a tad. And Jionni, did you just meet her?

Most memorable quotes of the show:

• Snooki — “He’s like crocodilly but alive.” (Comparing Jionni to her much-loved stuffed animal.)
• Jenni — “At least I can say I got to walk in Florence barefoot.” (Jenni when chasing Jionni through the streets.)

Most memorable non-meatball moments of the show:

• Mike suddenly thinks he’s Crouching Tiger as he kicks the thin air constantly to show his weird-pigeon toed kung fu moves. He also has become paranoid and believes Jionni, who is completely clueless, is out to get him. Jionni doesn’t take the kung fu bait, and escapes unharmed. However, I do think the wall is out to get Mike.
• Jenni spray tans Snooki’s butt. Now, they are BFFs forever!

More next week.

Bridezillas "Frankie and Marissa"

Marissa
Marissa, 22, and Jonathan, 23, believe they have a dysfunctional but fun relationship. Jonathan is a tree farmer and hip-hop artist. We'll see. Marissa, who I THINK has three children from three other men and a child of Jonathan's, actually seems to have all their names tattooed on her bad little self. I couldn't quite understand all the relationships and children and tattoos, but you get the picture.

Three weeks prior to the wedding, she finds out that Jonathan is cheating on her. That doesn't change her mind about getting married. Then, Jonathan, writes and performs a ridiculously horrible rap song he has written for her. If THAT didn't send her packing, nothing will.

Marissa and Jonathan are writing their own vows. He thinks he's a song writer so this should be easy for him, right? He starts off with "I love yo face" so it's going really well.

The wedding does actually take place despite the gaggle of kids, a ripped wedding dress, the lack of alcohol at the reception, the cheating' and the horrible music choices.

Frankie/Ray Ray
Frankie is getting married to Robbie (remember them from last week?). At her bridal shower, she wants it to be "nice and elegant." That means people waiting on her. It apparently does NOT mean that you can't have paper plates or plastic tablecloths or cussing or raunchy party games. It also does NOT mean that the bride must keep her cool and be thankful for her gifts. She comes unglued when she gets a coffee pot as a gift because her husband-to-be drinks coffee, but she does not. I don't think she even understands the reasoning behind showers and gifts.

In other Frankie news:

• She wants the more expensive photographer even though she can't afford it. However, after seeing the samples from the cheaper photographer, I think she's right.
• She forces one of her bridesmaids to get her ears pierced. Literally holds her down.
• She still doesn't have her wedding dress three days prior to the wedding. She ordered it online from far far away. 
• And, because of the dress, she doesn't want to go to the reception hall and pick the menu. Say what? What kind of catering service lets you select the menu three days prior to the wedding? I'm thinking KFC or Pizza Hut. We'll see next week.

Big Easy Brides "Swamp Wedding"

Here we go with the fun from the French Quarter Wedding Chapel ...

Wedding No. 1
Megan and Chris, one of the drunkest couples I've ever seen on this show who  ...  and I'm pretty sure they won't remember this in the morning ... request a quickie marriage at a bar where they happen to be drinking. A "dive bar" wedding ... one of the many themes for New Orleans traditional nuptials. After the "marriage ceremony" the bride decides to donate her bra to the collection that the bar owner has hanging from the ceiling. (creepy) So, the bride goes topless for a minute or two. Then, the beer is getting the best of her and she needs to make a quick trip to the restroom and while on her way, a bar patron (female) shouts her best wishes ... "Congratulations on your skank wedding." The bride promptly beats her up. Wedding party over.

Wedding No. 2
Jasmine and Michael want to tie the knot after knowing each other for one month. She's a typical mail-order bride. No seriously, he found her online and brought her to the United States from the Philippines. At first, Michael's brother doesn't like it, but then decides she's "pretty hot looking" and maybe he'll find a bride online himself ...

Wedding No. 3
Dianna and Casey. They are some weird, outer space alien-lovin' couple. I don't even know what else to say.

Wedding No. 4
Rob and LaKeisha ... poor LaKeisha ... she believes the "witch" she has hired (Lady Mimi) can remove the demons from this man who can't stop cheating on her. LaKeisha, I don't believe the witch or the marriage or you yourself can stop this man from his cheatin' ways. Good luck.

Wedding No. 5
Now, for the finale, the featured "swamp wedding." The scary swamp couple, Andrew and Susie, have come in from their bayou habitat to meet with the wedding chapel staff. I honestly believe this might be the first time this couple has come out of the swamp. I'm not kidding. They live off the land and LOVE chitlins (pig intestines), alligator and grits and want that tasty menu at their wedding. She also adores sunflowers so sunflowers will adorn her hair. If someone can get a brush through it. For the wedding music, they want old-time country music and that famous wedding song, Jingle Bells.

Of course, it's not a featured wedding on Big Easy Brides without some fake drama so the drama here is Andrew's ex who calls and shows up to ruin the big day. Fortunately, Maria (wedding planner) is there to save the day and actually has the nerve to say "Nobody comes in and ruins a wedding that I am planning." Really? That's what this show is about. That's what happens in practically every wedding. So shut up.

By the way, for their wedding garb, Susie wore ankle booties, a veil, a yellow sundress of some sort while Andrew dressed up his overalls with a jacket.

This show annoys me to no end because everyone is TRYING to act, they create fake drama, and it's not really that entertaining. This is my one and only season to blog about it, but it may not be around next year anyway. I know one thing from watching this show, I would never get married anywhere near that place.

Big Easy Brides "The Coming Out Episode"

Man, I hate this show. But here goes ...

Wedding No. 1
Morgan and Jeff, a Northern California couple looking for a unique wedding experience, ask the folks at the French Quarter Wedding Chapel to arrange it. They have been wanting to get married for a long time so they decided to elope to New Orleans. Morgan loves Jeff because he's a "guy's guy" and Jeff loves Morgan because she "lets me be me." Can you say "Jeff might be self-centered so how long will this marriage last" three times fast? They take a boat ride on the bayou and get married on a rickety old dock. Done.

Wedding No. 2
Shay and Aaron are a nurse/cowgirl and bull rider in love. For the wedding ceremony, lots of drunken guests and a groom in chaps. Let me say it again. Chaps. Wait ... did I mention that was ALL he was wearing on his lower half? We didn't get a view (thankfully) but the guests got an eye-full. One female liked it so much that she gave his bottom a two-handed slap. Bride no likey. A fight breaks out. Can you say "staged?"

Wedding No. 3
Candy and Trent are looking for something "darker and heavier" at their heavy metal nuptials inside the chapel. So ... the bride makes her entrance from a casket, and everyone is dressed in leather and no lace. Except the bride's mother ... who shows up in a traditional dress. She's not crazy about the guests. "These are the kind of people I ran from as a kid." The dark chocolate cake. "A wedding cake should be white." And the groom who dedicated the ceremony to satan because he's a "fan" of his work. "What did he say?"

What mother wouldn't be a little disappointed in THIS for her daughter? She tells her daughter she's making a terrible mistake. I would put my money on the mom.

Wedding No. 4
Kai and Sarah are a comic book designer and corporate lawyer in love. Can you see where this is going? Wait, you know she's the lawyer, right? Sarah, and her parents, want Kai to sign a prenuptial agreement. Kai don't wanna. His parents don't want him to either. However, the second generation lawyer says there will be no wedding if there is no prenup. He caves and the wedding goes on. I would hire her.

Wedding No. 5
Allison and Bridgette want a "gay pride wedding that's festive and with rainbows." Everyone is on board and fine with it and all that (this is 2011) ... except that Allison hasn't told her parents that she is in love with a woman. When told, mom takes it pretty well and eventually shows up at the chapel wedding. Apparently, dad didn't take it as well and he's a no show.

After the wedding, they have a parade in white dresses through the streets of New Orleans. It starts pouring down rain, but it ends with a rainbow so all's well with the couple. Almost. Then, some drunken goon starts shouting remarks at the couple and promptly gets a beat down by two of their bestest friends. No harm done. The little umbrella didn't seem to injure him ... so all that's hurt in the end is everyone's feelings.

More next week.

Jersey Shore 2011 "Meatball Mashup"

Snooki is - season by season and slowly but surely - working her way through her castmates. First there was Vinny. Then, supposedly, Mike. Not sure about Pauly D. Anyone remember? Now, there is Deena. She doesn't discriminate. Watch out Sammi, Ronnie and Jenni ... you may be next.

But let's back up. The Jersey Shore crew headed to the Riccione beach for the weekend  ... them and their 16 suitcases for a 24-hour trip. On the first day there, the guys head out on their own for a pretty subdued outing while the girls want to wear their bikinis and get drunk. However, Sam and Jenni (the sanest of the bunch) get their fill of the drunken meatballs (that would be Deena and Snooki) soon enough and head home. Deena and Snooki find a party and continue their drinking. Deena dances so hard that here bikini bottoms literally fall off.

So .... the guys and Sam and Jenni head to dinner without the drunken twosome who eventually ... drunk as ever ... make their appearance. Then, the whole gang heads to the club. Deena, apparently never found her bikini bottoms, because she's giving everyone a show at the club. Then, because no boys are interested in either of them, Snooki and Deena spend the rest of the evening in the club ... on the ride home ... in the hotel ... and in their twin bed ... playing kissy face. Everyone is pretty sure that Snooki is just drunk, but maybe Deena swings both ways? Whatever. I don't care.

And, as Ronnie says, cheating is cheating is cheating. So, in everyone's eyes, except Snooki's and her very forgiving boyfriend, Jionni, it's not cheating when you are with Deena.

To close the show, we see Snooki rear-ending a police vehicle. They seemingly haul her and Deena to jail, while the policeman takes a ride in an ambulance.

We'll see next week.

Bridezillas - Kim and Frankie

Kim
Three weeks of foul-mouthed Kim is all I can take. She and her entire brood can't say a sentence without using the F word, and all in front of her little daughter. All class this bunch. Even if they were doing it for the show, shame on them. Kim's promo for her stint as a bridezilla was, "You all suck!" I agree. They all do.

So we have drama here, drama there, drama everywhere with Kim. First up, the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Kim screaming and fussing and cussing and on and on. At the dinner, one of her brothers refuses to sit next to one of her nephews because he "throws up and spits" so Kim's dad storms out. Then mom storms out. Then Kim storms out. Dad refuses to go back in because everyone is so disrespectful (and he's the picture of perfection himself) ... until he decides he needs a drink. Dad is crazy. Mom is psycho. There's a whole ward from an asylum here.

Oh yeah, the tuxedos. All the drama about the wrong size and the threats of bodily harm to the tuxedo store owner ended calmly when he showed these scholars how to loosen and tighten the pants. One phone call and all drama would have been avoided. But that wouldn't be any fun.

Kim and Jeremiah have a joint bachelor and bachelorette party where Josh, I believe he is the groom's brother, gets so drunk that he disrupts the entire event. This is new. Someone besides the bride getting drunk and actin' a fool on Bridezillas.


On the wedding day, there's a problem with the bus. It can't get turned around (after a wrong turn) and the bride threatens to take out an elderly woman who won't move her car. Nice. Finally, the wedding. Crazy dad and psycho mom walk her down the aisle. The groom looks a little emotional and can't take his eyes off of Kim while Kim is looking everywhere but at the groom. What's up? Dad sheds a tear. Finally, it's over. Good luck to this crew.

Frankie or "Ray Ray"
Frankie, 24, and her wife-beater-wearing fiance, Robbie, 24, (did he know he was being filmed?) are getting married in Youngstown, Ohio. After seven years together and two kids, they think it's time. Robbie says he was attracted to ... "Not the face. It was the butt."

Frankie claims to be royalty of Youngstown and continually compares herself to Kate ... yes Kate of Prince William and Princess Kate. "I'm the Kate of Youngstown. I have a tiara," she claims. And that proves it.

Like all the bridezillas before her, Frankie is foul-mouthed and loves to yell, scream, threaten and hit. Her first chance to come unglued is when her bridesmaids miss the party to put together her wedding favors. The next chance is when her wedding dress hasn't arrived (ordered from Paris) just a few days before her wedding. Never mind that it is her THIRD dress. Dress No. 1 ... not pretty enough. Dress No. 2 ... didn't fit. So we get dress No. 3.

Frankie's most offensive moment is when she demands $50 for something from Robbie's stepmother and she refused. Frankie lets loose with every expletive known to man and calls this poor woman every name in the book. Welcome to the family!

 More on Frankie next week ...

Jersey Shore 2011 "Fist Pumps, Push Ups and Chapstick"

I'm really, really tired of the Jersey Shore crew. Is anybody else? Same old crap in Italy, in Miami, in Jersey. Time for cancellation ...

Anyway, it's my last season to blog about them, so I'll do what I promised myself. Finish it.

In a continuation from last episode (where Mike fought the wall ... and the wall won), Mike is feeling sorry for himself and even sheds a tear on his own behalf. While the rest of the gang goes about their daily business, Mike pouts enough that Ronnie finally feels sorry for him. After a few hugs and kisses from Ron (OK, just the hugs) ... Mike starts to come around.

The drama with Snooki's boyfriend, Jionni, also continues. He seems a little jealous, but we all know he has probably seen a few seasons of Snooki's escapades so can you blame him? The guys tell Snooki to break it off, but she doesn't want to end this love affair just yet.

The girls are at a club, and for some reason, can't get along with other girls! There is arguing, yelling, a little pushing and finally some girl pours a drink on Snooki's head and she goes after her ... and in the midst of the throwdown ... Snooki and Deena discover they are pulling each other's hair. Enough already.

Sam and Ronnie are back together. No, they're not. Yes, maybe they are. It's like the Jersey version of Groundhog Day ... you can't escape this comedy-drama. Pauly D. threatens to smash his own head against the wall. I started looking for a window to jump out of ...

All in all ... boring episode. We'll see what's next.

Big Easy Brides "Sunday, Bloody Sunday"

Wedding No. 1:
The first wedding of the episode belongs to Mystee and Garrett. They want a balcony wedding in the French Quarter. The wedding itself is short and sweet, but the after party goes on a little too long for the bride. Mystee and Garrett both find themselves attracted to a female who is, as tradition calls for in New Orleans, flashing them in exchange for beads.They invite her to the party ... and then both, one at a time, decide to ...  um .... get to know her a little better. The drunk girl then wonders off. However, later in the evening ... Garrett is nowhere to be found. OF COURSE he's with the wasted party girl. So, I wonder if they are still married?

Wedding No. 2:
It's a courtyard wedding for Josh and Leeann! It's raining so .. it's a balcony wedding for Josh and Leann! They are a young couple so they outfit themselves appropriately with a tux that's too big, a white gown that's too tight, and tattoos that are too obvious. However, you know but you know but you know ... there's gotta be some drama or why bother? The drama shows up in the form of Josh's ex-girlfriend who accuses Leann of being of ill repute. Nobody cares. I sure don't.

Wedding No. 3:
Six foot 8-inch tall Sean and 4 foot 10-inch Bridgette have found love and a stepladder so they are going to make it permanent. The wedding planner, Maria, asks all sorts of inappropriate questions about their love life, and the couple doesn't seem to mind very much. It's a done deal as Sean takes a knee so he can look directly into Bridgette's face.

Wedding No. 4:
They saved the best for last ... the vampire wedding! These two dimwits, Queen M. and Steve, have labeled themselves vampires, and they want an appropriate bloodsucking wedding. First, a voodoo cleansing ceremony. Something all girls dream about. Then, the ceremony must be at a mortuary rather than ... oh a church or chapel. And finally, a request for raw liver and raw meat at the wedding reception. They are expecting 15 vampires along with the 10 humans and the one "pet" ... a weird little blonde woman who supposedly lets the vampires drink her blood. The maid of honor at this perverse gala is Lady Sue, whose gloomy and bizarre behavior has you almost believing in this ridiculousness. And, this woman eats raw liver ... gobs of it. Maria, the wedding planner, seems a unnerved by all of this creepy behavior and weird liver lust especially after Lady Sue announces to her that ..."I've eaten better people than you."

OK then. Finally, the wedding begins with the bride in a black corset ... and the groom dressed like the Count from Sesame Street ... and the weirdo maid of honor with her long, stringy hair ... and the fanged guests. Did I mention they all have fangs? During the ceremony, the bride refuses to say "til death do us part" because as we all know, vampires are undead creatures. They exchange vials of blood instead of rings ... reminiscent of Billy Bob and Angelina Jolie? Whatever, it's their celebration.

More next week about this freak show.

Bridezillas - Kim and Danielle

Danielle
Daniellle, 37, and Virgil, 35, are about to walk down the aisle. They met in their hometown of Chicago and, according to Virgil, "She pursued me." According to Danielle, "He was not attractive." However, they now are a family and have a set of twins to raise (Danielle also has a 20-year-old daughter whose name is Daunjell ... not sure I got the spelling right).

Virgil admits his true feelings for Danielle right away, "I knew our relationship was going to last forever when she got pregnant." He doesn't know how true that really is.

Danielle likes to scream, cry and throw things. A typical bridezilla. She also likes to cuss. Another trait of a bridezilla.

Danielle enjoys the finer things in life. We know that because she told us. We find out right away that one of those "finer things" is a very inappropriate stripper at her bachelorette party. Her daughter can't believe what she is seeing and admits there was "stuff I didn't want to see."  Danielle admits she's not sure, but the stripper might have taken advantage of her. Her sister met him previously because he is a "server" who offers different "levels." OKaaaaay.

Danielle is late to her rehearsal dinner, so she then lectures everyone on how to behave and "walk softly" at her wedding day and in her presence. After the rehearsal dinner, she starts thinking about her cake (for the NEXT DAY) and wants to change the flavor at 10:45 p.m. She leaves a message for the bakery to make the cake carrot instead of chocolate. Don't think she got that.

On her wedding day, she misses her appointment with the photographer (this girl is always late) so she lashes out at everyone in sight, including the camera crew, and then breaks down in tears. Nevertheless, the wedding goes on and her colors are bright orange and red, but her cake is a "Tiffany box" theme ... light green. Doesn't. Really. Match.

However, it's done. She's done. Danielle gets one episode unlike ...


Kim
Kim is in her second episode of Bridezillas, and because she is one of those appalling and rare breeds of bridezillas (with a obnoxious family at her side), we know that she will be back next week.

I gotta agree with Kim here. She admits she is an "angry bitch" (her words) and so over-the-top because of her parents. Her mother is always saying "I'm dying" and exaggerating everything ... the problem with the tuxedos, her health, whatever. The momster interrupts Kim's nail appointment to tell Kim, "I'm throwing up blood. Your dad is freakin' out. I'm going to die." Kim says she is ALWAYS saying that so go on and "die already." This is a fun bunch!

OK, the problem with the tuxedos. They ordered them from some friend of Kim's dad, and they didn't have the right color vests so they got black vests. So what (and so much better than the "watermelon and guava" she actually requested). Also, the ties went to the wrong place so they are late. Additionally, her fiance's pants don't fit. Jerry, her fiance and a Pauly D talk-alike), also has a fit. They are a match!

Kim's brother, fiance and a whole bunch of other brawlers are prepared to go down to the "tuxedo store" and take this guy out. Her brother shows his support ... "I will violate my probation" to make sure Kim gets what she wants. Soup Gold.

Kim also is upset that her sister is sick and pregnant ... obviously a devious plot to ruin Kim's wedding day. She's afraid no one is coming to her rehearsal dinner. We'll find out later.

More on Kim and her new bridezilla counterpart next week.

Jersey Shore 2011 - "And the Wall Won"

Ronnie 0. Mike 0. Wall TKO.

According to the promos, Mike and Ronnie have a battle royal. Not so much. They have a little tussle, but prior to that ... Mike is so enraged that he hits his own head against the concrete wall. So, basically, Mike beat himself up. Sent himself to the hospital. Gave himself a "slight concussion and neck sprain." After he returns from the hospital, he mopes around feeling sorry for himself because the gang's all gone (doing laundry or at the gym or something). Pauly D finally comes home and gets a look at Mike's outfit.

According to Pauly D, the fashionista, "You don't wear sunglasses with a neck brace. That looks ridiculous." However, we know that gelling your hair until it stands straight up looks cool.

After the fight, everyone is crying. Everyone is upset. Most people seem to blame Sammi. Ronnie feels bad and apologizes to everyone. To remind everyone, they got in a fight because Sammi told Ronnie that Mike said something. Yeesh.

So, Sammi and Ronnie break up for the 42nd time. He admits he's been calling girls (actually one I believe) while he's been in Italy. Sammi is heartbroken ... again ... so she leaves all the gifts that Ronnie has purchased her (a purse, earrings, some clothes) on his bed. He finds them there and dumps them in the trash. She gets them out of the trash because she doesn't want the stuff thrown away. She was just making a point.

Later, after a night on the town with the guys, Ronnie laves a grenade alone at the bar and decides he would rather be with Sammi. He buys her flowers and gives them to her at the house and the first words that pop out of her mouth are "Did you bring a girl home?" Not "thank you." Not "how sweet." Not "I love you, too." Ronnie doesn't take her reaction well, and takes the flowers back and into the trash they go. Sammie goes dumpster diving once again and retrieves the flowers.

In other news, we learn:

• Snooki's boyfriend doesn't like dirty talk. That makes him a normal person, and makes me wonder what he is doing with Snooki who apparently even talks dirty to herself.
• Pauly D, when drunk, also doesn't mind throwing a few punches (although he admits later he is not a fighter). Some guy at a bar keeps yelling "Che Sosa?" (which I think means "What?" or literally "What thing?" ) at Pauly D and even makes a throat-slashing gesture. Pauly D wants to take him on, but the almost-fight is stopped.

Next week, looks like Snooki is in a brawl. A new fight every week!!

Big Easy Brides "Fishing Camp Fiasco" (episode 2)

Today, I'm recapping the French Quarter Wedding Chapel weddings of episode 2. 

Wedding #1

Richard and Karen, who have been drinking, and their friends, who also have been drinking, show up in the middle of the night ... wearing togas no less ... and want to get married. They have known each other between 8 and 10 months. No one is really sure. The ceremony is performed, and then there's a big drunk toga-filled dog pile. And, like any newlyweds, they want to celebrate their nuptials by streaking down Bourbon Street. Groom goes first, and the rest follow. I hope they didn't spend their honeymoon in jail. I also hope they actually remember they are married.

Wedding #2

Tim and Brandy, who are bodybuilders, wear tiny little bikinis (yes, even him) for their big day. Guests, too. From a distance, Brandy looks a little younger than she actually is ... I believe. You know I have high definition TV right? I can see everything. So watch out reality show divas ... I see the real you. Anyway, in the middle of the "I dos" ... the maid of honor stops the wedding, she and the bride step out, and we find out that she also is in love with the bride. This was very contrived, and I didn't buy a word of it. These ladies are terrible actresses. After that ridiculousness, the wedding continues, and we have two more people that are going to fight over who keeps the dining room set in two years. If that.

Weddings #3 and #4

The wedding chapel staff are challenged to find some people to marry on a slow day. So ... we get Teresa and Robert, who are simply renewing their vows after 30 years of marriage. And, we have Alex and Steph, a same-sex couple, who are ready to tie the knot. No drama here and no fireworks. Just two couples declaring their commitments to each other in the Chapel. Although I don't think you can "remarry" someone legally, and I don't think same-sex marriages are legal in Louisiana, these two weddings were the most "real" and probably have the most staying power.

Wedding #5

And, finally, the reason we are all here, to celebrate the union of ... Chassidy and Nick. These two, young and pierced and stupid, live somewhere in the bayou. Now, try to keep up. Nick, who is nothing to look at or hear and I wonder if he even has a job, has a baby with Chassidy's best friend, Angel, whom Nick calls "The Thing." Chassidy also thinks she is pregnant (thus, the wedding). The Chapel's Maria, the wedding planner, wonders ... along with the rest of us ... what is so attractive about this guy? So she asks the girls ... Is the sex that good? They both admit they have had better. Right on TV. 

Then on the wedding day, with the groom in jeans and a T-shirt, and the bride in a short, tight white dress with pink straps, Angel drops a video bombshell. She has Nick on her phone kissing another girl! The night before! Even before this shocking news, the bride already is saying she's not 100 percent sure she wants to marry this guy. 

So, a few minutes pre-wedding, Chassidy pretty much wants out, and to guarantee it, Jaelyn shows up (that's the girl in the kissing video) to fight for her (and Chassidy's ... and Angel's) man. Chassidy doesn't put up much of a fight, and tells Jaelyn she can have him. Wedding off. Food and music and alcohol on. (This is Louisiana.) 

And, to end the show, we see Jaelyn comforting (and kissing) the distraught Nick ... who maybe really wanted to marry Chassidy? Oh well. Now he has Jaelyn!

Next week, more Big Easy Brides.

Sorry I'm late with this blog; it's hard to work and parent and blog and live. I'm trying to get more organized.