Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Bridezillas - Porsha and Gloria

Porsha is the worst. She is vulgar and loud and annoying. And those are her good qualities. Let's finish this with her, shall we?

She demands allegiance of her man, of her bridesmaids, of her mom ... all with the back of her hand. You think you can do what you want? Not on her time. She even created her own holiday ... Porsha Day. So on her day, she forces, and I mean forces, her ample hindquarters into the nail salon's chair where she then gets her "funky feet" (the manicurist's words, not mine) filed and polished as she downs a burger and an extra, extra large order of fries. The manicurist can't take her eyes off of Porsha, "I've never seen anyone eat like that."

While getting her feet cured, Porsha hears the shocking news. Her man, Byron, is planning a bachelor party with some skanky stripper! A stripper would be a step up. Especially after what happens next. Porsha attends her own bachelorette party at someone's house with a "VIP" room (AKA attic) and a scary male dancer. The entire scene is so bad (practically pornographic) that WeTV had to blur most of it out, and Porsha was not shying away from this man. Awful. Just awful. She should be ashamed of herself. I can't imagine what her fiance thought when they watched this together. She was worried about him?

On the day before the wedding, Byron's mom doesn't seem to know about the rehearsal dinner so Byron takes a beating from his bride-to-be. A righteous beating. Also, Porsha doesn't want Byron's baby's mother to drop his daughter off at the wedding. Porsha is sure the ex wants to sabotage the wedding. Doubtful. If Byron wants Porsha, I'm sure the ex wants him to have her.

Porsha is something else. She tells the camera that she wears the pants in the family; describes herself as a black Barbie; and just cusses up a storm about anything and everything. I literally had to mute the TV. I couldn't take it. If she is REALLY like this, and she's not just putting on a show ... poor Byron.

And then there is Gloria. Poor poor pitiful Gloria. And her wicked witch of the North mother whose name I never caught or they never said or I just ignored. Gloria is 28 and her groom-to-be, Eric, is 32. They live in New York. Gloria is a scared, anxious and nervous little bride. She cries and whines and cries some more. However, she's nothing compared to her over-the-top mama. I wasn't sure if the show was about her or her mother. Although Gloria is entertaining as a nervous, crying wreck; her mother steals the show as an over-reacting, makeup-hating, long-haired hippie throwback.

Gloria wants her mom to put her hair up and wear a little lipstick for the wedding. After all, how many times will she get married? It's only her second time. Awesome. Neither of them can cope with a pre-wedding make-up and hair trial. It's too much! How much pressure can two women take!

When mom tries on dress after sexy dress for the wedding (wedding? really?), she and Gloria demand a discount on a dress they settle on because it has a non-existent stain. And, the worse was yet to come. Later, when Gloria's actual wedding dress is delivered, there is actual dirt on the dress or in the bag, or so they see. Both Gloria and her mom completely break down. Gloria literally crawls from the room. Her mom calls the poor seamstress (after first having a crying hissy fit), and then proceeds to make racially insensitive remarks to the woman and to the camera about the woman. Is she really that clueless? Did she know people would see her and hear her and now hate her?

So, more on Gloria and whoever next week. Do you think these people are for real, or just putting on for the camera?


danielle.royster said...

I have to disagree, Porsha isn’t the worst Bridezilla but the one who beat up on her fiancĂ©’s mother a few seasons back is the worse. I actually think she went to jail behind it and granted, Porsha is loud – very loud – but if we had mellow brides on our TV screen, we wouldn’t watch it. Her lace front was pretty bad though but I still find myself quoting Porsh sometimes and I’ll even watch the episode when I’m bored. Since I have to work on Sunday nights, I make it a point to watch the show on my phone. I went ahead and signed up for the Sling Adapter with my DISH Network employee account so I would never miss a minute of it. I can watch live and pre-recorded content and I don't even have to be at home to do so. The Sling Adapter is normally $99 but with a special promotion with DISH Network, new and existing customers can now get it for free. People can go here to get more information!

Kelly said...

I forgot about that one. Good call. It's hard to believe, but they keep getting worse. Thanks for your comment.