Monday, July 4, 2011

Bridezillas - Kym and Porsha

I missed last week's episode of Bridezillas, but so be it. If it was anything like this week's episode, I don't care. This may be my last season of blogging about this show. I am a little disgusted by it. It's just that it's always the same (the yelling, the cussing, the ridiculous brides), and just getting more vulgar. And, there are no winners here ... only losers.

This week, Kym and Porsha.

Porsha is "large and in charge," according to the show's promos, and this 28-year-old is about to engage in wedded bliss to Byron, 36. They live in Mississippi. Poor Mississippi. Everything bad happens to that state. It was "hotel at first sight," according to Porsha. Ahhhh ... romance! Porsha is a foul-mouthed bully who sucks her thumb when she is tired or cranky. She thinks her bridesmaids should be "thankful" to be in her wedding, and will beat them into submission if they disagree. But, please, please your silly Bridezillas, it's so last year to say people should be thankful to be in your wedding. Think of something else.

Porsha has a soft spot for her mom and her sister. You can tell because she left them stranded by the side of the road ... twice. One time was after her mom paid for something she didn't want to ... AND she did it just to shut Porsha up and keep her from, literally, yanking her purse from her hands.

At one point, Porsha decides to do an inspection of her bridesmaids because she doesn't want "hairy beasts" or any girdle-less women at her show. She actually breaks out a razor. Gross. Really.

Then, there was the buffet. Apparently, Porsha can eat all she wants when the group goes out to eat, but that all-you-can-eat rule does not extend to her bridesmaids. She tries to make them exercise the next day after indulging at the buffet, so says Porsha. I would literally be running up hills to get away from this girl.

More on Porsha next week.

Kym "the more I look like a hooker the better" is a 30-year-old who, along and her husband-to-be, High, 31, live in Windermere, Florida. Kym, like Porsha, is another foul-mouthed bride. Lovely girl. Really.

Kym and her friends, including mom and aunt, head to the "bridal shower" which is really a bachelorette party turned drunkfest at a local piano bar, which they have somehow managed to turn into a raunchy nightclub. Kym wants to get so hammered that she doesn't remember her own name. After the the next events (including her declaration that she wants to make out with someone and an uncalled for display of her undies), her name might be mud with her fiance. She gets agitated with her mother because her mother is disgusted by ALL the unladylike language and drinking AND by the fact that the girls are taking shots from each others "chest area." Those are my words. Not theirs. Really. Gross again. I'm too old for this. However, the drunk aunt joins in the fun and takes a shot from Kym's chest area. I could barely watch. It was just kinda sick. Yuck. Mom just couldn't take it anymore and left the party. Good for her.

At the wedding, there was the "case of the missing deodorant" that almost put our bride over the edge, then the late limo, then the missing candle, and on and on. You'll be happy to know that both the deodorant and candle were found!

Finally, the wedding takes place. High, the lucky groom, is wearing some sort of 1920s gangster meets a cowboy meets a groom outfit. I didn't get it. Good luck to those two.

More next week.

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