Monday, July 18, 2011

Bridezillas - Gloria and Tricia

For those who don't know, Bridezillas works like this: two brides are featured each week. We see the "end" of one bride's story, the wedding, and the beginning of another's ... how they met and fell in love and the week before the wedding. Then the next show, we see the wedding of the bride we were just getting to know the week before. Make sense?

Now, I know it is not possible to get to know someone in 30 minutes or so especially with someone editing the video and trying to make you look like the bridezilla they want you to be. But, really, these girls make it easy on the producers. You can't make this stuff up.

So, back to Gloria. Gloria "demands" attention, and if she doesn't get it, she resorts to crying and whining and screaming. I've made up a a new term for her ... "crining" ... it's a combination of crying and whining at the same time, and nobody does it better.

In the last episode, we saw the shopping trip for a dress with Gloria's mom, and this time they are off to buy shoes. Mom, wearing her fringe-covered ensemble, complains about shoe after shoe after shoe as she does the "hustle" in front of the mirror while trying on each pair. They can't agree on what to buy. So, it's the battle of wills with the style-challenged mom vs. the emotionally-challenged bride. There are no winners here. I'm sure even the shoe store didn't think the drama was worth the $$.

The next shopping trip for Gloria is back to the "veil store" because, although she admittedly walked out of the store with her veil intact, somebody somehow somewhere from this store tore the stitching and beading on her veil. It's not possible that she did it. No way ... even though she's the only that's touched the darn thing. To shut her up, they let her make an exchange.

On the big day, Gloria goes from "crining" because nobody is helping her enough to complete impatience at the nail salon because she's not getting pampered fast enough. Gloria's complaining that the workers are too slow, mom is complaining because the lotion is too itchy ... I'm complaining because there is too much moaning from mom during the massage. Ick.

Finally, at the wedding, Gloria is upset in the limo, upset with the best man because he is late, "crining" with pre-wedding jitters, but it all goes down and Gloria is a married man.

Now, talk about an "ick" factor. Gloria's mother is shown telling the producers that she has a long-time crush on her first cousin that is at the wedding, and then, later, they are shown dancing and more (blurred out, thank you). Beyond disgusting. Really disturbing. And, I want to remind everyone, these people do not live in my beloved home state of Arkansas, but in New York. So there.

Tricia, Tricia, Tricia. She's so young ... only 19 ... and someday she's going to really, really regret some choices she has made today ... as in her clothing (super-tight leggings with a muffin-top sweater), her two-toned hair color, her use of profanity and the theme of her wedding ...

Tricia, the self-proclaimed "Bro Ho" is marrying Jesse, 21, a "Bro." They live in Oakland, California. According to Tricia, a "Bro" is someone who rides dirt bikes, wears designer clothing and has money. That's kinda of what I got from the explanation. How a 21-year-old has money, I don't know. It's all her perception. A "Bro Ho" is someone who dates a "Bro." That would be Tricia. Because they are so entwined in the "Bro Ho" lifestyle, they've chosen THAT as the theme of their wedding ... dirt bikes, lots of drinking ... you know, pretty traditional. Again, she's 19 and how she drinks all the time is a mystery. Are the laws different in California?

When Tricia gets upset, she behaves as any normal person would ... she screams, yells and sits on you. The first time we get a taste of her rage is when Jesse brings home the wrong cake topper. He didn't notice the skin color didn't match Tricia's milky white tone. So, Tricia laughed it off and they took it back. I wish. To show him how stupid and immature he is, she breaks it in two and then throws it in the driveway and proceeds to run over it with their SUV ... a couple of times for good measure.

Tricia loves to complain. Here are some of the things that bother her ... Jesse's long toenails (you don't want to know), daylight, people looking at her (even though she knows it's because she's so hot), the rings Jesse bought, and just when other people talk in general.

But, the No. 1 thing that bothers Tricia, is when Jesse won't drive 30 minutes out of his way to get her a damn taco at her favorite fast food taco place. Then, he also won't give her the debit card to get the stupid taco. She cries and whines, and eventually gets her way. Jesse, trying to be somewhat responsible, was trying to explain to her the cost of gas, etc., but Tricia was having none of it. Like any teenager, she doesn't understand the value of money. Good luck Jesse with this one.

More next week.

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