Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Bachelorette - Episode 9 (Constantine Makes His Escape)

I miss Ames. I was really, really bored with this episode. I had time to play Bookworm on my iPad, polish my toenails, eat a cookie, anything to get away from the annoyance that is Ashley.

I will recap anyway. After we listened to Ashley drone on and on about love and watch a recap of her "dating life" with the three finalists ... we know that Ashley is looking for a "happy ending" and anxious for her three dates to arrive in Fiji. She also gets an unexpected guest as Ryan P. makes his return.

Here's the pitch. He's back because he believes he and Ashley have unfinished business. He wonders if she regrets sending him home, and he feels there were things left unsaid. Do we bite? Or do we return from La La Land and realize that we may be seeing the audition for the next Bachelor? I am probably one of the few people left who actually still like Ryan P., and I'm OK with him being the next Bachelor. Am I OK with ABC trotting him out for a trial run? Not really. Do I believe he was sincere in his desire to be with Ashley? Not a chance.

Her first date in Fiji is with Ben. We have Ben on the boat and Ashley in a bikini. She is desperate to get her hands on him and actually straddles him to put sunscreen in all the right places. (She doesn't want him to get sunburned! That's all!) I had never seen a guy so uncomfortable (until later when she is on the date with Constantine). Ashley described it as like being on a "honeymoon." Ah oh.

During their evening date, Ben says he is on his way to the "whole I love you thing." He struggles and stumbles and stutters looking for the right words ... seemingly trying to convince himself that he loves this girl. Poor Ben couldn't have found the right words if he had had a Thesaurus in his lap. Nonetheless, he accepts Ashley's invitation to the "Fantasy Suite" where they both give up their individual rooms and bunk together. I don't even want to know. Ashley believes she and Ben are on the same "page" and apparently that page was in the hot tub or the pool ..

Her second date was with Constantine the "Greek God" ... her words. He was very excited about the helicopter ride and the waterfalls. He didn't seem as excited about her however. It's obvious to Ashley that he needs more time. It's obvious to the rest of the world that he needs less Ashley. This type of dating really isn't for him. I would guess that he didn't even see himself as ever really "dating" her. This guy is conventional and group dating and Ashley do not suit him.

Constantine is along for the ride, but now he wants off. He's literally sitting on the edge of his seat at dinner with Ashley. She finally acknowledges that he doesn't seem to want to even hold her hand, and he admits that it doesn't come naturally to him with her. He's trying to let her down easy, but he's antsy and wants OUT. Finally, he practically sprints away from her. Ashley, ever pensive and now biting her lip, wishes he would have given it more time. Ashley, all the time in the world would not make Constantine want to be with you.

No "Fantasy Suite" for Constantine. He didn't even wait for the offer.

After the exit of Constantine (the man who dodged a bullet), Ashley has "clarity" and knows what she has to do. Tell Ryan P. to head back to the states because she's in love and has found "passion" with two guys. Constantine is quickly forgotten. A man she might have married a day earlier. Whatever. Ryan P. takes the rejection pretty well, and continues his audition ... wondering if he will ever find love. Hello Bachelor!

The final date is with J.P. and he gets to go on an airplane with Ashley! Both he and Ashley are expressing the thought of a lifetime together. No holds barred. He's falling in love, so he says. She wants him to SAY it. He wants her to say he's the ONE. Nobody gets what they want. She tells J.P. about Ryan and Constantine and gives him his "ticket" to an overnight stay with her. He accepts. That makes two.

Despite the fact that she has two roses and two guys, Ashley still wants the ceremony. They must prove their commitment and accept the rose. She gets what she wants.

Next week, we see who Ashley picks. But, before that, we have the "tell all" episode. I can't wait! What are you expecting from this season's "tell all" show?

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